Truths and Consequences
by hermiine
Summary: Alternative to season 8 taking into account CB:s real life pregnancy. The friends at JAG live through some real messed up relationships. Will the friendships survive? It might turn out to be a growing experience for them. COMPLETE
1. Unexpected Consequences

Truths and Consequences  
  
Summery: What if TPTB had decided to bring in CB:s pregnancy in a different way?  
  
Spoilers: Anything up to season 8 with a major spoiler warning for most of the season 8 episodes.  
  
Disclaimer: I know that this will surprise you, but they really don't belong to me.  
  
Author's note: If you're looking for something flawless and grammatically correct stop reading now. I wish everybody else a pleasant time reading it. Suggestions, corrections and feedback are greatly appreciated. Keep in mind everything isn't always the way they seem.  
  
Unexpected consequences  
  
September 30th 2002  
  
Commander Sturgis Turner heard a knock on the door to his temporary quarters. 'it isn't often that she's late' he thought to him self.  
  
"Hi Mac! Are you ready to start working on the case?" he asked his collegue Lt. Colonel Sarah Mackenzie.  
  
"Otherwise I wouldn't be here, would I?" She seemed really upset about something, but he thought it was better to just not ask or comment on her snippy answer. Sometimes it seemed like he had learned to understand and deal with her better in the one year that he had known her than his friend Harm had in seven.  
  
"Let's start than" She said and they started discussing the case of Commander O'Neil, who was accused of sexual harassment. Trying to find ways to destroy Commanders Harmon Rabb and Tracy Manetti's defence and proving the charges accuracy wasn't easy, but Mac was happy to be able to focus on something else but Harm's comments in the hangar. Out of the blue, she felt, he had brought up her relationship with her former CO. She knew that he hadn't deliberately said it to hurt her, however in some ways that made it hurt so much more. 'Is that really the kind of picture he has of me?' she thought. no she wasn't suppose to be thinking about that at all. One last thought still lingered with her 'maybe that's why he never wanted to get romantically involved with me? He doesn't think I'm worth him'  
  
"I'm sure we have done enough for today now" Sturgis said noticing the far off look in her eyes. "Mac. MAC!" He startled her and she looked straight at him and said sadly:  
  
"I'm sorry Sturgis. I wasn't paying attention. What were you saying?"  
  
"Mac, if you want to talk about it I'm here, you know" he answered her, now trusting to do what he hadn't dared before.  
  
"It's just something Harm said and I just can't let it go"  
  
"Maybe it will be easier if you talk about it with somebody. I'm here for you, but if you don't feel comfortable talking to me about it. Talk to someone else like Harriet or Bud or.." He didn't get to finish the sentence before she broke down and cried. Sturgis had never seen his friend like this and stood quite without an idea how to make it better for her. He put his arms around her and held her tight until he heard the sobs getting calmer. He loosened his grip on her, but his arms were still around her. They were facing each other. Slowly Mac closed the distance between them and kissed him. It was unexpected, but the surprised Sturgis still didn't back away.  
  
TBC 


	2. Truths of the Morning After

Truths of the Morning After  
  
October 1st 2002  
  
Mac woke up slowly. Everything that had happened yesterday was still very hazy. She started to get a grip on herself. Somehow the room didn't quite look like it had done the day before. Suddenly she realized what had woken her up. Someone was in her shower. She sat up and looked around the room. The realization that this wasn't her room and what she had done the night before came swift. She felt so ashamed of herself for using Sturgis like that. Not that he hadn't been a willing participant.  
  
She gathered her clothes and dressed quickly, hoping to be able to get out of the room before Sturgis got out of the shower. After she had gotten herself ready, she went over to open the door and sneak out. Of course they would probably have to talk about this at some point. That wasn't a conversation that she could handle right now. Mac opened the door and came face to face with Harm.  
  
"Hey Mac! What are you doing here so early?" he asked surprised.  
  
"I was. I wanted to have a look on some of the files again. I thought I had missed something." She stammered insecure about what to say. This was, after Sturgis, the last person she wanted to speak to right now. She started to walk past him.  
  
"It sounds like Sturgis is in the shower. I didn't know that you had begun breaking and entering. You know that is a criminal offence," he joked. Mac just kept walking. Tears were starting to fall down her cheeks. 'What have I done?'  
  
Ten minutes before the hearing was supposed to start again all of the lawyers from JAG HQ were already present in the courtroom. Mac had started to feel better about herself after seeing the understanding look in Sturgis eyes. Maybe they would be able to forget about this and move on like it had never happened. It wasn't like with her and Harm who actually had some feelings, whatever kind they now were, for each other.  
  
The hearing went well for the defence and after the Lieutenant who had accused O'Neil of harassment had admitted that he himself couldn't be sure of her intent, there wasn't much more Sturgis and Mac could do about it. As they stepped out of the courtroom Sturgis wanted to get Mac and him alone to talk. Mac decided it was better to just get it over with and took the hints to follow him back to his quarters.  
  
Back at the place where it had all happened, both Mac and Sturgis got a lot less brave about talking about it.  
  
"So" Mac started  
  
"So" Sturgis answered just as expressively.  
  
"How about we just forget this ever happened and never talk about it ever again?" Mac finally got the courage to say.  
  
"That sounds just like something I wanted to say. I mean I know who you have feelings for and it isn't me and I don't have any of that sort for you either. We're both adults, we can handle this." Sturgis started to ramble in relief. "But I was serious yesterday. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here."  
  
"I appreciate that, but this" she made gesture towards the bed and blushed slightly "this sort of makes that harder."  
  
"I know. It might just take some time." They both reached for the handle of the door to go out and meet Tracy and Harm for dinner before returning to Washington D.C. As their hands touched they both drew them make as if they had been burned. Sturgis let out a sigh and let Mac move ahead. 'This won't be as easy as it seemed' he tought.  
  
TBC 


	3. Business as Usual

Business as Usual  
  
October16th 2002  
  
But Sturgis was wrong. After a few weeks everything was actually pretty much back to normal. Together with Harm they both worked together on the Angel Shark-case. Getting information out of the CIA wasn't easy, but they all thought that it was important for the families to know the truth about their lost fathers, sons and brothers. Harm and Mac got together for one of their "working" dinners and discovered that their old friend Webb had left everything they needed to give those families some closure.  
  
Mac was glad to discover that Harm's comments in the hangar hadn't had a lasting effect on their relationship; she had realized that she might have interpreted the reasons he had said them wrong. At the moment, they were closer than ever before to something you could call a relationship. She felt bad about hiding what had happened with Sturgis from him, but she promised herself to not let that one night destroy any possibilities of a relationship with Harm. One mistake shouldn't be able to change her whole life.  
  
The awkwardness between Sturgis and Mac was all gone, Harm and Mac were friends and Bud was doing well in rehab. Things were looking really well for the friends at JAG.  
  
October 24th 2002  
  
A week later though, there was some trouble in paradise. Mac found herself presiding as judge for the first time, which she of course thought was very exiting. The problem was that the case had Sturgis as prosecutor and Harm as defender. Mac hoped that they would be able to separate the life outside the courtroom from the one inside, just like she had eventually learned to do when she was opposing one of her friends as prosecutor or defender. Being a judge was a totally different thing though and one day into the court martial it was obvious to her that this would not be an easy road to walk down.  
  
October 29th 2002  
  
Harm, Sturgis and Mac were sitting at a table in new Italian restaurant. They were chatting and bantering about different things, but tried to stay away from the topic of the recent court martial. Harm had realized that Mac hadn't been incorrect in all of her rulings against him even though he had made some pretty unfriendly comments about it than. What had happened at the Roberts' housewarming party was of nothing he'd like to think more about. He had tried to in his own way apologize for his behaviour and the way things seemed today he had gotten through to her. He wasn't stupid enough though take up the subject again. Some things are just better left alone.  
  
"So what are you guys having?" Sturgis asked studying the menu closely.  
  
"I don't know I guess I'll just have to pick out the most expensive course. I mean Mac is buying and you have to take advantage of that, don't you?" Harm told his friend.  
  
"I'm not worried about that as that course seems to be a pretty meaty dish, Veggieboy," Mac told him with an unworried pointed look that made Harm smile at her.  
  
"To bad, I guess I'll have a vegetarian Lasagne, how about you?" Harm finally decided.  
  
"Yeah, lasagne sounds good. I think I'll have that too, though no veggie of course," Mac said.  
  
"Same for me," Sturgis agreed.  
  
They didn't have to wait long to get their meals and during the dinner they were getting along nicely and enjoyed each other's company. 'Life should always be like this all the time' the three of them thought.  
  
TBC. 


	4. The Ultimate Consequence

The Ultimate Consequence  
  
November 11th  
  
Mac was late, not just late 'I'm stressed out', but really late. She was never late. She couldn't understand why this should happen right now, when everything else in her life was going pretty good. She had just called the hospital and scheduled a routine check-up appointment. The pressure was lesser so. Maybe (hopefully) she was wrong and than buying and taking one of those home pregnancy tests would have seemed so final. Like she had actually thought that she might be pregnant. She just wanted to check her health; it was really a very responsible thing to do.  
  
Later the same day, she was sitting in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor to arrive with her test results. She tried to relax, but wasn't doing a very good job of it. She fingered nervously on the buttons of her uniform jacket. When the doctor walked into the room she jumped in her chair.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I scare you?" the thirty something male doctor asked.  
  
"No, it's alright," she said not very convincing.  
  
"I'm Dr. Martin. I haven't seen you before, have I?"  
  
"No, I used to go to Dr. Nicholson," she answered him distractedly the whole time wishing that he would give her the answer she wanted to have.  
  
"Well, he retired three years ago, so I guess you're stuck with me," he tried to joke with her, but when he saw Mac's expression he realized that it was a lost cause.  
  
"All of your test results came back looking very good. You seem to be taking really good care of yourself," he started to say. Mac gave out a sigh of relief. "Did you suspect that you might be pregnant?" he then continued.  
  
Mac looked at him all of the fright coming back to her in one second. "Am I?" she asked.  
  
"Yes," he answered her calmly "Do you have an idea how far along you might be?" he then asked her. Mac didn't even hear the question; she was her life falling apart in front of her and couldn't do anything about it. Dr. Martin looked at her and decided to let it all sink in a bit before asking her something more. A minute later Mac realized that no one had said anything in a while and she hurried to come to her feet to leave.  
  
"You should contact an obetrician and get an appointment set up," he took her hand and shook it. "I'm sure everything will work out for you, Colonel Mackenzie. Do you have anybody you can talk to?"  
  
"You're wrong about that, it won't work out, but I'll get that appointment set up," she had gotten herself enough together and was now able to answer him. She walked out of the clinic wondering haw she had managed to screw up her life so much in such a short amount of time. She had no idea what to do or who to turn to. Harm was for obvious reasons out of the question. Just seven weeks ago she could have gone to Sturgis to talk, but she had destroyed that possibility. Besides if she went to him now she would be forced to tell him about the baby, their baby. 'Oh my, I'm having a baby,' The thought hit her like a brick wall and she put her hand on her stomach.  
  
Under any other circumstances she would have been thrilled. It had been so long since she had first started to want children and by now she had almost given up the thought of that ever happening. This was so wrong. She wasn't even in a relationship with the father of her baby, in fact she didn't have any feelings for him beside friendship. But slowly it was all sinking in and she just couldn't help that she was feeling a little happy about it. Her life was once again totally messed up and she had no idea how to pitch it back together. But a little happy, she was.  
  
TBC 


	5. The Road of Life Turns

AN: Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad to see that some people are reading it. Not sure if this is a good chapter, but I just needed to get it out there. Keep in mind; sometimes you must go down before you can go up.  
  
The Road of Life Turns  
  
November 15th  
  
Harm was sitting in his office as he saw Mac returning from court to her office. He went over to talk to her, trying not to show how determined he was. H felt like everybody was watching him, knowing what he was going to do.  
  
"How was the hearing?"  
  
"It's going to court martial. I guess there wasn't much I could do about it," Mac said still looking down at her file.  
  
"I just came over to ask you, if you'd like to have dinner tonight," he said with a nervousness in his voice, which went by Mac unnoticed.  
  
"The admiral assigned as to a new case while I was in court?"  
  
"No, I thought. I mean if you want to. maybe. we could make it a date?" The last word caught Mac's attention. She looked up finding a really tense and nervous commander in front of her. Clearly he was being serious.  
  
"I can't. we can't." She rushed out of her office heading towards the restrooms. She hadn't experienced any morning sickness, but now whether it was the pregnancy or the situation as it was, she kneed in front of the toilet and threw up.  
  
15 minutes later she walked out of the restroom and crossed the bullpen to get to her office. Harm was back in his office. He would probably never broach the subject again and that was like a knife twisting in her heart at the same time as it was a relief. She knew she wouldn't have to tell him no again. She had lost her chance with Harm.  
  
When she came home to her apartment that evening she had started to fully realize what impact this would have on her life. She had felt like she had been walking around in a fog since she had found out. No one had noticed that she behaved differently, but now was enough. She needed to get a grip on herself.  
  
Starting now she would take on the responsibility that being a mother meant. Stop running away from people and situations she was afraid of and instead deal with them straight on. Tomorrow she was going to call and get that appointment set up at the hospital. She'd have to inform the admiral of her condition so that arrangements could be made at work. But first of all she was going to have to tell Sturgis. Even though she still had no idea how she was going to tell him this, she called him to ask if she could come over to talk.  
  
Since that night seven weeks ago they hadn't seen each other alone outside of work. They hadn't even called each other at home, so Sturgis was more than a little anxious to know what she wanted to talk to him about.  
  
At the same time Harm was sitting at home wondering what he had done wrong. Had he really read the signals so wrong? It had taken him a lot of courage to ask her out on a real date. This wasn't just an ordinary woman. If it didn't work out there was so much they risked losing. It hadn't even come so far as not working out. Mac had killed it off even before that. He didn't think that he was that arrogant, but he really hadn't expected to be turned down, at least not like that. How were they ever going to repair this damage to their friendship? He'd do anything if he could at least keep her as his best friend.  
  
Harm picked up the phone to call Sturgis. Maybe a game of basketball and a drink with his other best friend would make him see things more clearly. The line was busy, but that meant that at least Sturgis was at home, so Harm decided to drive over to see him.  
  
As he drove into the street where Sturgis lived, he saw a familiar red corvette. Mac was getting out of the car and headed hesitantly towards Sturgis building. 'I guess she needed someone to talk to as well' he thought and kept on driving, turning his car around at the next crossing and returned to his home still alone with his thoughts.  
  
Mac knocked on the door and didn't have to wait long before Sturgis answered it.  
  
"Hi"  
  
"Hi" Mac said without looking at him. The thoughts of taking control over her life and dealing with the situation was blown out of her mind. Most of all she just wanted to turn around and run.  
  
". Mac, come on in," he said and backed into his apartment. It wasn't very big by normal standards, but Sturgis was used to the tiny spaces on submarines and in fact found it to be quite large.  
  
"How come I get the feeling that there is something wrong? I thought you and Harm were getting along."  
  
"This isn't about Harm," she explained "I don't know how to tell you this."  
  
"Try. I will listen."  
  
"I went to the doctor and it turns out that I'm. I'm pregnant, Sturgis."  
  
Sturgis sat down on the couch behind him.  
  
"I don't want to offend you by asking, but it's mine right?"  
  
"Yes"  
  
"How long have you known?"  
  
"Since Monday. I don't want to pressure you for an answer right now, but I'm here and I'm going to state my intentions and when you are ready to give me an answer just let me know," Mac said trying to sound more secure than she was.  
  
"I'm planning on keeping this baby. If you want to be involved in his or her life, I'd be glad, because I want my child to know its father, however I won't force you into anything you don't want to be a part of. That wouldn't be fair to the baby." She stopped talking and looked into his eyes to make sure he had understood everything she had said. She nodded her head and turned around, leaving a very shocked Sturgis behind.  
  
TBC 


	6. Decisions

Decisions  
  
November 18th  
  
Mac had spent the weekend alone in her apartment. She had been trying not to think so much about what was going on in her life, but had failed totally. Though, in a way that was a good thing, because the thinking had given her some piece of mind. What had happened that night was irresponsible, and she had to admit, completely unnecessary. She should have talked to Harm directly instead of going to Sturgis even though she hadn't planned to spend the night with him. The situation was different now. For the sake of her baby she had to forgive herself for what had happened. If she couldn't, it would just hurt the baby and help no one.  
  
When she had come into the office this morning, Harm was already there. Normally she would have checked in with him and teased him for being there before her. As it was she couldn't. She realized that she had hurt him Friday and suspected that when he found out about the baby, he'd be even more hurt. The least she could do was to at least tell him before everybody else found out about it. First she'd tell the admiral and than she'd tell Harm. She hoped that, with a lot of luck, they would eventually be able to restore a bit of their friendship, but she knew there were no guaranties for that ever happening.  
  
It was close to lunchtime and Sturgis walked into her office.  
  
"We need to talk. How about lunch?" he asked not wanting to give anything away to any undesired eavesdroppers.  
  
"That's good. Shall we go straight away?"  
  
"I can wait if you still have something to do before."  
  
Mac shook her had and got up to get her cover. They walked out of the Headquarters without saying anything more to each other.  
  
They had driven together to a restaurant they knew people from JAG never visited. This definitely wasn't a conversation they wanted anyone to overhear. They sat down and ordered, but they still didn't say anything about what they really needed to talk about.  
  
"I did a lot of thinking during this weekend," Sturgis finally said.  
  
"And?"  
  
"Of course I'm not going to let my child grow up without knowing me. That was never a question," he pointed out to her. "Do you know how you want to explain this? There are who people will ask questions now and one day we'll have to explain it to the child."  
  
Mac didn't say anything. She was so happy to know that he didn't blame her for getting pregnant, not that she had really thought that he would, but trusting people not to hurt or blame her had never really been her thing. At least she wouldn't have to do this alone.  
  
"Do you want us to get married for the baby's sake?" Sturgis asked since Mac hadn't said anything.  
  
"No," Mac said very quickly. "I think the baby will be better off with two parents who still like each other and get along, because that would probably not last very long in a marriage like that. Besides I almost got married once before for the wrong reasons and I promised myself not to do the same mistake again."  
  
"I agree with you," Sturgis said with some relief. It was something he would have been prepared to do, but he was glad to know that they would solve it some other way. The waitress brought the food and Sturgis changed the subject; "So have you been to see your OB yet?"  
  
"I have an appointment this Friday."  
  
"Do you want me to come?"  
  
"Only if you want to."  
  
"I do."  
  
"Then we'll go there together. The appointment is 3 o'clock."  
  
"I guess it's best to let the admiral know before then so that we can both get leave," she added thinking about the practical stuff.  
  
"What do you want to tell him?" Sturgis now remembered his earlier question.  
  
"The truth. We're not in a relationship. We made a mistake and are now taking responsibility for it."  
  
"And that's what we'll tell everyone else too. Even the child?"  
  
"Yes, I think it's for the best. He or she would eventually find out anyway. Family secrets have a way of revealing themselves. Besides I plan to make sure that he or she knows that even though this wasn't planned or convenient when it happened. He or she is still very much loved."  
  
"You have obviously had more time to think about this than I have."  
  
"You still have seven months to get used to it. Do you think that you might be able to be a little bit happy about this?"  
  
"Oh Mac, I already am. It's just it will change everything."  
  
"Yes, it will. Are you seeing anybody at the moment?"  
  
"No. Would you mind if I did?" he asked hypothetically.  
  
"No, just because I can't doesn't mean that you shouldn't."  
  
"This will mean problems with Harm, won't it?"  
  
"I want to tell him before we tell anybody else. Is that OK with you?"  
  
"I was planning on suggesting the same thing."  
  
"Then I'll try to talk to the admiral this afternoon and ask him to keep it quite until we want to tell people. Is it OK if I talk to the admiral alone? I think I'd feel more comfortable that way."  
  
"Yes, whatever you want to. I just want you to know that you don't have to feel like you have to do these things alone."  
  
"I don't. Not anymore," she said and smiled at him. "We'd better get back to work before we're declared UA."  
  
"Yeah, let's go," he said and smiled back at her. Maybe this wouldn't turn out so bad after all.  
  
TBC 


	7. Making Some Arrangements

Making Some Arrangements  
  
November 19th 2002  
  
Mac had been forced to put up her talk with the admiral until the day after she'd talked to Sturgis. She'd been very nervous about the whole thing. The admiral's opinion on her was important to her and she was afraid that he would be very disappointed in her. She could understand if he was, she just hoped he wouldn't show it openly. She had just entered the admiral's office and he was looking at her in mild confusion.  
  
"What did you want to talk to me about?" the admiral asked suspecting that this was an issue out of the ordinary.  
  
"Admiral, I'd like to inform you of my condition. I'm pregnant, sir."  
  
The admiral was choked to say the least. He hadn't known that she was seeing anybody, not that it was really his business, but scuttlebutt always got to his ears whether he wanted it to or not.  
  
"May I ask who's the father?"  
  
"Yes, sir. Commander Turner is the father, but we are not in a relationship nor will we be."  
  
"How do you think that this will affect your work here at JAG, Colonel?"  
  
"I'd like maternity leave from the middle of June and approximately two and a half months forward. Before that I will probably need a few months with limited duties and no travels."  
  
"That sounds reasonable."  
  
"Sir, we'd like to keep this quite for a few more weeks."  
  
"You have until your first trimester is over, after that you can't go to carriers and the reason for that must be clear to everyone, as I'm sure you understand. When would that be?"  
  
"At the end of December. I have an appointment with my OB Friday. I'd like to request leave for me and the commander."  
  
"Granted"  
  
"Thank you, sir, for everything," she emphasized the everything so that he understood how much she appreciated his support.  
  
"Colonel, we'll work out some arrangements for after the baby is born at a later time. You're dismissed"  
  
"Aye, aye, sir," Mac said came to attention and left the office relieved that the meeting had gone as well as it had. She still had to tell Harm and that might turn out to be the hardest one of them all.  
  
As she walked past Sturgis' office she popped her head in through the doorway and said that everything was OK. It was all that was needed, since Sturgis knew what she was talking about.  
  
TBC 


	8. Indifference

Indifference  
  
November 22th 2002  
  
It was Friday again. The appointment with the OB had gone well. The doctor, a woman in her late fifties, had if she'd had an opinion on unmarried parents not shown it a bit. Mac and Sturgis had explained that they weren't a couple and she hadn't asked any questions about it. It was a relief to both of them to see that some people would just accept it like that, but they had no illusions about the fact that it probably was an exception.  
  
They had ridden in different cars to Bethesda, but well in the waiting room they had been alone to talk about the baby for the first time since Monday. Slowly they were starting to like the situation much better. Of course it would have been even better if they hadn't risked hurting Harm, who were both of their best friend. They finally decided that Mac would tell him about her pregnancy the same evening and call Sturgis afterwards telling him how it had gone.  
  
Mac went to Harm's apartment as soon as she thought he would be home from work. She didn't want to put this off any longer. All week they had only talked about work related issues. They had been civil to each other, but not more friendly than you would have expected strangers to be with each other. Harm had tried to smile at her to make sure she knew that it was all right and that he still wanted to be friends with her. She'd tried to act like she hadn't noticed.  
  
She knocked on the door and eventually he came and opened. She was the last person he had expected to be there.  
  
"Come on in," he was glad that she had come. She surly wasn't here to talk about anything work related and he hoped that they'd be able to talk about the important things instead.  
  
"Am I interrupting anything?"  
  
"No, not at all. I'm glad that you are here"  
  
Mac had no idea where to start to explain it all and remained silent.  
  
"I guess I was moving to fast last Friday. I don't know why you ran out, but I accept that you don't want to go there with me. Can we just forget it happened and go back to being friends?"  
  
"Something has happened."  
  
Harm was worried. These weren't her normal insecurities. Something really had happened.  
  
"Harm, I'm pregnant," she blurted out. There was no way she could find to say it in a more gentle way. With her words Harm's world crashed together. The moments of complete despair of what she had said were after two short seconds replaced by a cold indifference.  
  
"I didn't realize you were seeing someone."  
  
"I'm not. Look, Harm, I'm sorry. In a way I feel like I've betrayed you. We were moving forward and I screwed it up. I hope you can forgive me someday."  
  
"There's nothing to forgive. You can sleep with who ever you want to. I don't care, we're not in that kind of relationship. I don't even understand why you're here to tell me," he answered her calmly trying to put all the coldness he could bring up in his voice.  
  
The words hurt Mac more than anything else could have. She'd rather had that he'd be angry with her and scream at her. She could handle that from him, but she couldn't handle trying to pretend that they weren't important to each other.  
  
"So who is the lucky guy, anyway?" he asked sarcastically.  
  
"Sturgis is the father," Harm felt like it just got worse the more he found out about the whole thing. His best friend had slept with the woman he. Whatever it was it didn't matter any more.  
  
Mac was getting closer to tears by the second and made plans for a fast retreat before they would betray her. For Harm though, who knew her so well, they were already obvious.  
  
"Why don't you go to your boyfriend if you need to cry?"  
  
"Harm, we're not together like that."  
  
"Oh, Mac, there's no need for you to lie about it. I saw you at his apartment last week and it's none of my business anyway obviously. If it were you would have told me about your affair or relationship whatever it is earlier."  
  
She understood that he wouldn't listen to her today. At some point he'd might be interested in hearing her story, but not now. She left the apartment. Neither of them said any words of goodbye, but Harm stood at his window and watched as she got into her car and sat there letting the tears fall freely before she was able to drive off. Who would have thought they would end up like that?  
  
TBC 


	9. Not Alone

AN's: You'll probably recognize some of this dialogue from "When the Bough Breaks". I want to say thank you to all the reviewers. I appreciate your input very much.  
  
Not Alone  
  
December 3rd 2002  
  
"Colonel Mackenzie and Commander Rabb reporting as ordered," Harm said as they came to attention in front of the admiral.  
  
"I just got off the phone with the Skipper on the Seahawk. He wants a second opinion on one of Lieutenant Singer's investigations and I'm sending you there to give one, Rabb" The Admiral explained the case and its difficulties. Mac wondered what she was doing there, since he hadn't said that she was going to be a part of the investigation.  
  
"Colonel, you will be there investigating Singer herself. I trust that you can do that with the outmost discretion, which is needed in this case"  
  
"To investigate what, sir?"  
  
"Captain Johnson has charged her with conduct unbecoming," after finding out that the reason for the captain's accusations were that Singer was pregnant and wouldn't say who the father was, which had made the captain suspecting it to be one of the men aboard, both Harm and Mac were in despair. This was definitely not the sort of case they wanted to work on at the moment. They were just glad that they weren't actually both on the case.  
  
The whole week since Harm had found out about the baby, they had been treating each other like they had just met and didn't want to show how much they disliked the other. It was the way they both choose to deal with the situation, even if it wasn't how they really felt. Harm was treating Sturgis in almost the same way and of course the whole office was wondering why. Sturgis himself simply tried to ignore the tension, hoping that time would eventually get them to a place where they could at least talk about it. The situation was bad and there was nothing to do that would make it better. Sturgis and Mac had each other to lean on, but they didn't feel comfortable with each other, when they knew that Harm was alone and it was their fault.  
  
Neither one of them really wanted to talk about it, but somehow on the COD to the Seahawk they still got into a conversation about Singer's condition. Well, at least they pretended that it was about Singer, even though there were other reasons for them to be bring it up.  
  
"I just think that an officer should be taken by her word. You have apparently been. Or can you prove that you and Sturgis didn't conceive during one of your investigations on one of the Navy's weasels."  
  
"I've said who the father is. Singer hasn't so there is no word to take her by. She just says she didn't conceive on board."  
  
"Well isn't that enough."  
  
"She hasn't given her CO any evidence to prove her innocence," Mac said. This really wasn't a conversation or even an investigation that she wanted to get involved with.  
  
"How do you prove a negative?"  
  
"It's simple. With a name. I'm not sure I understand why you are defending her like this"  
  
"I haven't faulted you for getting pregnant either, have I?"  
  
Mac closed her eyes and took a deep breath and answered him; "No, I guess you haven't."  
  
"Who knows about that anyway?"  
  
"Just Sturgis, the admiral and you. We don't want to start telling people yet. Will you help us to keep it quite for the time being?"  
  
"They won't hear it from me," Harm shrugged and they were told to get ready for landing on the carrier.  
  
December 5th 2002  
  
Mac's investigation couldn't prove any guilt on Singer's part, even if she couldn't clear her either. The conversation with Singer hadn't been very pleasant. Mac was happy that she wasn't in her position. Whatever reasons Singer had for not telling who the father were, they couldn't be very nice ones. Mac almost felt guilty about questioning her about it. What would she have done herself if Sturgis hadn't wanted to be a part of the baby's life! Maybe she hadn't wanted to tell people who it was then either, but risking court martial for it? She doubted that she would have taken it so far. She knew that Singer wouldn't have considered being gentle if the positions had been reversed and that made her feel a little bit better.  
  
The admiral had informed her that she would be staying on the Seahawk replacing Singer until they got to Norfolk, approximately in two weeks. She'd informed Harm who had seemed surprised, but not very disappointed.  
  
She was a bit annoyed with him keeping things away from her, especially since she had a strong feeling it was somehow involving Singer and he knew more than he had said. However she was too afraid to ask him about it, it would probably make everything much worse.  
  
December 6th 2002  
  
Harm had completed "Singer's" investigation and was leaving together with her on the COD. He had proven that no one could be made responsible for the accident and there would be no hearing or court martial. Mac was standing on the deck to see them off. She was just standing there watching the plane with the man she loved leave. They didn't even say goodbye.  
  
TBC 


	10. A Letter

A Letter  
  
December 14th 2002  
  
Dear Harm,  
  
I know that you're probably wondering why I'm writing you now. You might want to be left alone and I will do so if you ask me to. But if this is how we end our friendship I want us to leave it without any thing left unsaid. I think we owe each other that much at least.  
  
I've wanted to explain to you about what happened between Sturgis and me. I know you said that you didn't care about what I did, but I also know that you do care. Otherwise you wouldn't have behaved the way you did after you found out. It hurt that you were ignoring me and that you were angry with me. Most of all though, knowing that I've hurt you, hurts the most.  
  
I can't tell you why we did it. There are no good reasons for it. There can't be. I was hurt and sad and Sturgis tried to comfort me. He was dealing with some problems of his own at the time, problems, which I don't think he had told either you or me about. We both needed someone and the other person was there. Needless to say we both regretted it afterwards and when things were finally better again, I found out that I'm pregnant.  
  
There's nothing we can do about it. What has been done, has been done. Regardless of everything I'm happy about having this baby. And I'm happy that it's Sturgis. Of all the guys I've ever been involved with, I'm lucky to have Sturgis as the father of my child.  
  
Which brings me to why I'm really writing. When I told you about it, I said that I was sorry and that I had betrayed you. Now I've realized that the one I really betrayed was my self. Just like I did with Mic. I have learned to settle for less than what I wanted because I didn't believe I was worth the things I wanted. I won't do that anymore. If I can't be with the one I love, I don't want to be with anyone.  
  
I don't want to loose your friendship, but if that's what will happen, then I wish you all the best for your future and hope that you can do the same for me.  
  
Love always,  
  
Mac 


	11. The Truth and Its Followers Take A Step ...

AN's : Any similarities with "All Ye Faithful" are strictly coincidental ;)  
  
The Truth and Its Followers Take A Step Forward  
  
24th December  
  
Mac was walking into the bullpen accompanied by Coates and the Admiral. Everything looked like it normally did. The admiral was talking about how he was glad that they were back and Coates was coming to work there as well. He then informed them that Manetti and Rabb were away, a fact, which Mac was already aware of. He had told her about his quals, before he knew about the pregnancy, when they had still been talking to each other.  
  
She was glad that she had written that letter to him. Even if it wouldn't change anything between them. It might give them some closure. She had been surprised when she received an e-mail only four days later. The e-mail had been short, but it had given Mac more hope than she would have thought it could bring. "Mac, I'll always want to be your friend," he had written "I'm sorry I haven't been a very good one lately. You have to give me some time and than I think we should talk and try to straighten this out. I never want to loose you, Harm"  
  
It felt good to be back at home. She had already gotten a new assignment despite it being Christmas Eve; to show three Kuwaiti represents around JAG HQ. They weren't here yet so she still had some time to settle back in at her office and show Coates around the office.  
  
When she was doing her investigation on Singer and was questioning Coates about Singer's friends aboard Coates had already figured out that Singer was pregnant, even though she wasn't supposed to know. Mac had realized that this was a person she'd have a problem hiding her own condition for. That had proven correct and Mac was pretty sure that she already knew even though she hadn't said anything about it. She liked Coates and was glad that she had come with her back to headquarters.  
  
Someone knocked on her doorframe and she looked up to see Sturgis.  
  
"Hi, how are you?" Sturgis asked taking a few steps into her office.  
  
"Very good now that I'm back here." They had e-mailed back and forth during her short deployment on the Seahawk. Sturgis asking her how she was, and she reassuring him that everything was fine.  
  
"And?"  
  
"Everything is fine, Sturgis. You don't have to worry about anything."  
  
"We have to tell people soon," he said not wanting to pressure her, but knowing they didn't have much more time and they had both agreed that it was better if people found out from them than from the scuttlebutt.  
  
"I know, I know," Mac said knowing that he was right, but still inwardly hoping they could wait longer. She was afraid of how people were going to react. She had gotten a chance to save her friendship with Harm and she was afraid that everybody knowing would make everything worse again.  
  
"We'll talk about it later. Are you coming to the Roberts'?"  
  
"Yes, are you?"  
  
"I'm bringing my father too."  
  
"I'll see you both there."  
  
It ended up being an exiting day. Yet another baby was born in the admiral's office. Now everyone was gathered at the Roberts' house, everybody except for Harm. Mac was starting to worry, she knew she was probably being paranoid, but she couldn't help feeling like something was wrong.  
  
Harriet was telling everybody about how they had found out that she was pregnant. Sturgis looked at Mac and they both thought that this might be the best opportunity to tell that they would get. Almost all of the people who they wanted to tell were there and out of uniform, which made the whole thing seem a lot less frightening.  
  
"We also have something to announce," Sturgis said and stepped up next to Mac but didn't touch her in a desperate attempt not to make people assume anything about their relationship, that wasn't true. That it would actually work, well he was realistic enough not to believe so  
  
"I'm pregnant, " Mac said and to clarify added; "Sturgis and I are having a baby together,"  
  
The room went dead silent. Not even little AJ said a word, not that he knew why everyone else was quite.  
  
"Congratulations, Mac, Sturgis," AJ said as he understood that no one else was going to say anything. "Am I to understand that there has been no other change in your relationship?"  
  
"Yes, sir. We are still just friends," Sturgis said stressing the friends part.  
  
Slowly people were coming out of their chock. Harriet came over to Mac and gave her a hug.  
  
"I'm happy for you. Are you happy for you?"  
  
"I'm very happy for me," Mac answered her sincerely.  
  
"I'm glad to hear that." More people were coming over and congratulated them. Most of them were still unsure what this whole situation meant for the Colonel and Commander's relationship, but didn't dare to ask. The conversations were getting louder again and Meredith suggested that they would sing a Christmas carol. When they started to sing, Mac used the opportunity to sneak out and call Harm's cell phone. She only got his voicemail.  
  
"Not home yet?" she left a message trying to sound happy and relaxed "We're all here now except for you. Still haven't had dinner yet, so hoping to see you soon. Assuming everything is OK." She ended the call and joined the others.  
  
Twenty minutes later they were sitting down at the dinner table. Mac was getting more and more upset about Harm not being there. All of a sudden there was some noise by the door and in stepped the last guest of the Christmas party.  
  
As Harm stepped into the room his eyes met Mac's. They looked at each other for a few seconds and smiled. The smiles said that everything was going to be fine. It would take some time, but everything was going to be fine.  
  
TBC 


	12. A Break?

AN: I hope this answers a part of your questions, Observer. I already have pretty much the whole story mapped out in my brain, but I don't like to give any spoilers to what will happen. However I can tell you that there will be more explanations for both Harm's and Mac's behavior. Anyone who feels up to beta-reading a part or two of this story, please mail me.  
  
A Break?  
  
December 27th 2002  
  
Harm was waiting for the coffee machine, which was almost finished brewing, in the break room of JAG HQ. He had been early in anxious to get back to work after the holidays and the time he had spend away doing his quals. OK, he was willing to admit that those weren't the true reasons why he was here so early. The truth was he was really anxious to try to get close to Mac again.  
  
He respected her for writing that letter and explaining what she had done and why she had done it. It must have been a hard and frightening thing to do and if she was willing to take a first step on the road back he wouldn't be unwilling to follow. The friendship they had had was more valuable than anything and loosing it over something like this just wasn't worth it. Regardless how much it would hurt in the process, he knew that it would be worth it.  
  
When he had read the part in her letter where she had written about the fact that she hadn't betrayed him but rather herself, he had been forced to agree with her. They hadn't been in a romantic relationship at the time, so logically he shouldn't have had any reasons to be angry at her for seeing or even sleeping with someone else. That's the exact same thing as he had said to her when she had told him about it at first, but back then he hadn't really believed it deep down. It had just been a way for him to protect himself and his pride from the hurt. Even though Mac and Harm now both felt that it hadn't really been him or any promise to him she had betrayed, he couldn't help feeling like she had betrayed the possible "them". And that was what hurt him so much. They wouldn't get a chance at that now and they were both to a certain extent to blame for it.  
  
He was awoken from his thoughts when he felt a presence in the room. He looked up and saw Mac looking a little worried at him. Even though Christmas Eve had had a very good atmosphere between them they hadn't really talked and she was still worried about how he was going to act around her.  
  
"Hey Mac, did you have a nice Christmas?" Harm asked as he took down two cups from the shelf and started to pour coffee in them.  
  
"You want coffee, right?"  
  
"No thanks, I don't drink coffee," she said, but still took the cup he held out to her. She was terrified that she would say something to scare him off so she just didn't dare saying anything, instead she put the cup on the counter and started preparing some herbal tea.  
  
"Since when don't you drink coffee? I thought you didn't like tea,"  
  
She looked up at him and wondered what to tell him. She unconsciously put one hand to her stomach and the light bulb went up for Harm.  
  
"Your not drinking coffee because of the. I forgot about that." He was beating himself up for forgetting about that. Here he was worried about how to rebuild the friendship with her after she had slept with his best friend, but that was just the beginning. That baby would always be there and remind them of what had happened. Was he really determined enough to work through all of that? Would it really be worth it? He wasn't sure to a hundred percent. Before he had always thought that a relationship with Mac would be complicated, but that was nothing compared to how things were now.  
  
She was now looking straight at him and took a step towards him and put her hand on top of his. She didn't understand how she dared to do something like that when things were so strained between them. Harm enjoyed the feel of her hand against his and thought about what could have been, but those things weren't a possible reality anymore. He drew back from her and without a glance in her direction he walked out of the break room.  
  
TBC 


	13. Talking Helps

Talking Helps  
  
December 27th 2002  
  
There was a knock on the door. Mac ignored it. She didn't want to see or talk to anybody. Work had been horrible. The 'coffee break' with Harm had just been the first event of a horrible day. Whenever she had walked through the bullpen everybody had become dead silent and watched her "discreetly". Not all that discreetly since she had seen every single glance they had made at her. She didn't know how she would survive this. All day she had waited for the time when she would be able to go home and not speak to anybody for a couple of hours, or why not months?  
  
Sturgis had gone to Norfolk to do an investigation, so he had been spared humiliating stares of their colleagues. Somehow she doubted that it would have made it much different if he had been there. Men often lived through these sorts of scandals better. They probably wouldn't treat him any different than they used to, but Mac's days as a respected officer were forever over. At least that was how she felt now.  
  
Of course Bud and Harriet had been friendly, but at the moment two people weren't helping her much. Besides she still felt a sort of distance from them regarding the child. They had noticed the once again colder relationship between the Colonel and the Commander and seen a now openly displayed hurt in Harm's face, so they still didn't know who they should be siding with on this one. Harriet had a lot of sympathies for Mac, since they were both in the same situation and the welfare of the child was most important. Bud was in some ways more concerned for Harm and his feelings. This had all caused a fight between the two of them. Finally they had realized that whatever they thought didn't really matter and all they could do was to be there for all three of their friends if they wanted to talk and not side with anyone of them. And that was what they had done.  
  
The knocks were getting louder and than they suddenly stopped. 'Good,' she thought 'whoever it was left.' Then she heard Harm's voice coming through the door.  
  
"Mac, if you really want me to leave I will, but can you please open the door and tell me that."  
  
It was Harm. She hadn't thought that he would come, not after what had happened today. She had overstepped the line oh their thin maybe-frienship and the reassuring feeling she had gotten from his e-mail and on Christmas Eve was all gone. There would be no chance of fixing anything now. And then he showed up on her doorstep. The temptation was to great not to open up.  
  
Once she stood there face to face with him all thoughts were gone and they were both just feeling. He could see that she had been crying. She backed up a few steps allowing him to come in, but she didn't say or do anything else. He followed her one step at a time and shut the door behind him. At the exact same moment they flung themselves into each other's arms and tears were starting to fall down both of their cheeks. They didn't talk, they just stood their holding on and wishing this exact moment where they were holding on so tightly could last for an eternity.  
  
How long they had stood there neither one of them, not even Mac, could say, but eventually they were loosening the grip of the arms. Harm wiped the tears off of Macs face with his hand and Mac then did the same for him. She noticed that he was carrying a little paper bag in his left hand.  
  
"It's for you," he said and put the bag in her hands.  
  
She took it and looked at it. "Tea?" she asked.  
  
"Yes, it's supposed to taste really good and it's also good for pregnant women. Maybe you want to try it and see if you like it. You should be able to drink something you like, I mean, now when you can't drink coffee."  
  
"That's so nice of you, Harm. Thank you." She almost started to cry again.  
  
"Do you want me to leave or can we talk?"  
  
"I want you to stay."  
  
"So we can talk?"  
  
She just nodded her head and went to sit down on the sofa in front of the fireplace. Harm followed her and sat down beside her. Watching her face to see if she wanted to start. She didn't say anything so he asked her;  
  
"What are you thinking, Mac?"  
  
"That I've blown it for all eternity," she looked down at the floor "You can't look at me anymore and respect me. That I'm easy and I don't deserve to even be your friend. You can't touch me without feeling repulsive. Harm, I don't think there's anything I can do to make it even an ounce better for you."  
  
"Please look at me," he put a finger under her chin and lifted it up to face him "I don't think or feel any of those things. I respect you so much, I always have and that won't change because of one mistake. I don't know if we deserve each other, but I do know that there is nothing in the world that I want more than to be your friend. I haven't been a very good one lately and I want to change, to be better. Having you as a friend id the only thing that can make it better for me."  
  
"But Harm I destroyed it all."  
  
"Do you really feel that it's all destroyed? Can't we give it one more chance? I'll admit that I haven't been quite sure if this was something we should be doing. That it wouldn't be worth it. But it is, because when I'm away from you, whether physically or emotionally, I hurt. And I don't want to be hurt for the rest of my life."  
  
"Are you sure that you can do it? I mean I'm pregnant, that won't go away. We can never forget what happened."  
  
"No, I'm not sure that I can do it. But I am sure that I can learn how. I really want to. I think we're going to have to change some things for this to work, though."  
  
"Like?"  
  
"Always saying what's on our mind. Whenever we try to protect each other by withholding things we always seem to end up hurting each other. I don't want you to keep anything from me and I don't want to keep anything from you. Could we agree on that?"  
  
"Of course. I've missed you so much this month, you have no idea," Mac smiled at him.  
  
The phone rang and she was considering letting the machine take it. Nothing could be more important than this conversation.  
  
"Mac, please pick up. The ringing is driving me crazy."  
  
She got up and took the phone.  
  
"Colonel Mackenzie," she answered. Harm was trying not to listen in to the conversation but it was hard not to.  
  
"I'm OK now."  
  
The other person said something, which Harm of course didn't hear.  
  
"It was like you could have expected, but I'm sure it will get better."  
  
"Did you talk to your father?"  
  
"Maybe we can talk about it later."  
  
"Yeah, Harm's here,"  
  
"I'll see you on Sunday. Bye."  
  
She hung up the phone and looked at Harm. He had only heard half of the conversation and was a little curious about it, but decided not to ask, Mac could tell him about it if she wanted to.  
  
"It was Sturgis."  
  
"Oh. Do you two talk a lot?" Harm asked honestly interested, but still a bit jealous of what the two of them were sharing. He had always dreamed about sharing those things with Mac himself.  
  
"Yes some. We try to work through some things and get to know each other better before the baby comes. We both think the baby will benefit from that."  
  
"It's not like you're strangers to each other."  
  
"No but we never thought we would be having a baby together. There are some issues that need to be settled."  
  
"Everything is changed because of that. For a while I thought that you had been dating for real." He just said it as a simple and honest statement and that's also what Mac heard. They looked at each other. Their friendship wasn't quite healed, but just the fact that they had been able to have this conversation was a giant step forward and that was the only direction either one of them was looking in now. A few minutes later Harm left Mac's apartment. Tomorrow would be a new day. Who knew what it would bring?  
  
TBC 


	14. Working Dinner

Working Dinner  
  
January 7th 2003  
  
Seven o'clock sharp there was a knock on Harm's door. There was only one person it could be so he hurried to open up.  
  
"Come on in, Mac. I'm almost finished." He took her coat and hung it up.  
  
"What are you making? It smells really good and I'm soo hungry."  
  
"You're always hungry, Marine, but I guess now you need to eat more than usual," he said and glanced at her. She was starting to show now, at least enough so that you could see it if you knew about it.  
  
"A Marine doesn't need any special reasons to eat," she answered him with a smile in her voice. It was nice that he could talk like that about the baby. They had really taken some giant steps forward lately.  
  
"So we'll start to eat and than work on the Casey court martial,"  
  
"Did you expect anything else?" It wasn't a question Harm needed to answer. She sat down at the table and Harm put down a big bowl of vegetable soup on the table.  
  
"It looks really healthy." Mac said without trying to suppress her skepticism.  
  
"Don't judge it until you've tried it."  
  
"I won't, I promise," she started to try it and realized that she actually liked it. "It's really good, Harm. For being vegetables that is."  
  
"Don't go over the top with the compliments, please." They both broke out in laughter. Not because anything special was so funny. They were just both enjoying the happy moment of being with their best friend, knowing how close they had been to loose those moments forever.  
  
During dinner they were talking about the things that had happened earlier the same week. They were both so happy for Bud, who had been approved for normal duty again. Their workload was hopefully going to benefit from that, but most of all they were just happy for and proud of him.  
  
Mac told Harm about the conversation she had had with the general and his wife about loosing everything.  
  
"And than she asked me if I had children and that if I hadn't I couldn't possibly understand what loosing everything meant."  
  
"So what did you answer her."  
  
"I told her I was going to find out," Mac said and looked quite far off "In a way I can't believe I said that about loosing everything, because I'm sort of already starting to feel that. Everything else just seems less important. It isn't that my life was so empty before. I just have a very different perspective now."  
  
"You're really happy about being pregnant, aren't you?" Harm asked her. There was some disappointment in his voice, but he was trying to mask it.  
  
"The circumstances could be better, but it's something I really want to do. Otherwise I wouldn't do it."  
  
They had finished their meals and moved over to the couch. Mac started to spread out the files on the table. They divided the work up between the two of them and each took a few reports to read through. Eventually they started to discuss the different aspects of the case and how they were going to face them in court. After two hours of intense work they decided to give it up for a while, hoping they would get some more ideas from sleep.  
  
"You need to get home now, Mac."  
  
"What? You don't want me here anymore?" She said trying to make it sound like joke, but not quite succeeding. In some ways she was still very insecure about this friendship between them. She was afraid something was going to happen that made all the pieces they were trying to put back together fall apart again.  
  
"No I don't, but women in your condition need to take care of themselves."  
  
"You're starting to sound a lot like Sturgis," as soon as the words were out she broke down on the inside. 'How can I say something that stupid?'  
  
"I'm sorry. It just flew out of me. I don't know why I said it."  
  
Harm still hadn't said anything. Regardless of how well things were between the two of them at the moment. They hadn't talked about Sturgis since that night the other week. They could mention the baby or the pregnancy, but they never talked about Sturgis. Harm and Sturgis weren't not speaking, but they weren't really speaking either. It was very hard to explain the tension between the two of them. It had gotten better since Harm and Mac had talked and made up, but the changes were only marginal. Sturgis thought he needed to give Harm more time and not push, whereas Harm didn't want to take the first step. It had been different with Mac. She had started what had later led to a rebirth of their friendship, even if he had pushed the issue too, so that they had gotten to the place where they were today. He didn't know if he'd be able to do that with Sturgis. At least not yet.  
  
Mac's face and whole body was displaying so much sadness, fright and guilt, he just had to find something to say to make her feel better.  
  
"Mac, it's OK. I know that you appreciate that he worries about you, even if it annoys you too at times. I'm going to take that as a compliment," the relief in Mac's eyes was striking. He was so glad that he had found the right words to say to her.  
  
"Are you seeing what's happening with us?"  
  
"No, what?"  
  
"I think we're starting to grow up," Mac said and smiled "earlier a comment like that would have caused a fight or distanced us and you managed to save us from that."  
  
"I think I like growing up."  
  
"I do too," she stepped forward and gave him a hug. "I'm so glad that I have you in my life," 'I love you,' she added silently.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow, Mac," Mac left the apartment. She couldn't remember when she had been happier. If she had had any doubts about them being able to work things out with their friendship, they were all gone now. As long as they kept talking, they would be fine. Maybe even better than they had been before. For ages they had tried to learn how to not put their feet in their mouths around each other, and failed terribly at it. Now they were learning how to talk and resolve the problems their mouths sometimes created for them and the success rate for that was definitely better.  
  
TBC 


	15. Deals and Fathers

AN: I'm not quite sure this is a really good chapter, but it has been rewritten so many time now, if I don't post it now I'll never do it. I missed the first half of Standards of Conduct, but I think it will be OK anyway. All the dates are taken from my mind, so there may be inaccuracies. If you point them out to me, I'll be glad to make changes if I can.  
  
I'm so glad there are still some people reading this story. Thank you all for the reviews!  
  
Deals and Fathers  
  
January 15th 2003  
  
"I just bought this for Little AJ's fifth birthday," Mac said when she saw Harm looking at the present.  
  
"Isn't that a bit early," Harm asked curiously.  
  
"I like to do it early," Mac said and shrugged.  
  
"I know but he'll only be four this year. His fifth birthday is like 16 months away."  
  
"I know." Mac said and looked confused at Harm. "Did I say it was for his fifth birthday? I meant fourth."  
  
"Do you ever think about our deal?" Mac made motion to ask 'what deal?', but the look on Harm's face made her realize that he knew that she knew which deal he was referring to.  
  
"Well, that really is null and void now." Mac then said a bit surprised that he would bring it up now.  
  
"I never made a promise I couldn't keep," Harm said.  
  
"But I guess I did this time." She looked at him.  
  
"Was it really just about the baby? You didn't care at all who would be the father?" Harm asked not quite sure if this was a question he wanted an answer too.  
  
"No, of course it wasn't. You'll make a good father when that time comes and I don't think you'll have any problems finding someone willing to share that with you," Mac said trying to sound cheerful, but all of her heart was screaming that she would have wanted to be that one woman who shared those things with him.  
  
Harm didn't say anything to that. There was only one woman he wanted children with. That she thought he'd make a good father didn't matter if he couldn't be the father of her children.  
  
January 18th 2003  
  
"Hi Mac. Can I come in?" Harm asked. He had shown up unannounced at Mac's apartment.  
  
"Sure." Mac moved away from the doorpost to let him in. Well in the apartment he saw Sturgis sitting on Mac's couch.  
  
"Mac, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to disturb you. I'll just go," Harm said.  
  
Sturgis got up from the couch and started walking towards the door.  
  
"I was just about to leave anyway. See you Mac," Sturgis left the apartment quickly.  
  
"Harm, what's wrong? Do you want to talk about it?" Mac asked once Sturgis had closed the door.  
  
"I think I need to talk, but I wasn't sure I should, so I guess it took some time to come to you. I'm still not quite sure I want to do this."  
  
"Then we'll just sit here." Mac motioned towards the couch. Harm made a point not to sit down where Sturgis had just sat. Mac noticed, but didn't say anything about it. She sat down in the armchair right next to the couch and their knees ended up almost touching.  
  
"I'm sorry Mac. I shouldn't have come here. I interrupted you."  
  
"Harm, I'm glad you came here," Mac interrupted him and put her hand over his. "You're always welcome."  
  
"It's just. If I tell you something, can you promise not to tell anyone?"  
  
"Harm, I can keep a secret," Mac said. A few months earlier and she would have felt like he implied that she couldn't and been hurt and angry, but they were past that and there was no hurt or resentment in her voice, just reassurance and concern for her friend.  
  
"You know when we went to the Seahawk and you investigated Singer... I didn't tell you everything I knew." He made a pause to see how she reacted. He could she that she wasn't pleased with what she'd heard, but she didn't seem very surprised either and he was sure she was going to hear him out.  
  
"I know who the father is,"  
  
Mac's head started going on high wire. 'How could Harm know who the father was? Why hadn't he told her?' Her head came to a conclusion her heart didn't like, but once the doubt was there she needed to know.  
  
"And now she's planning on giving the child up for adoption and she won't even talk to the father about it. She doesn't let him have a say in it at all." Harm continued.  
  
"Who is the father, Harm?" Mac asked knowing that she might be jumping to conclusions to fast, but she needed to ask. She couldn't and didn't want to imagine that what she was thinking could be true.  
  
"I can't tell you who the father is, Mac"  
  
Mac took a deep breath. They had promised each other to ask the hard questions to avoid misunderstandings and now was one of those occasions where that was what she had to do.  
  
"Is it you?" she just needed to know. Was it worth the risk? No, but neither was continuing to think that he might be if he wasn't.  
  
"NO, how can you think that?" Harm got up and walked towards the windows. That question had hurt. Did she really think that he would sleep with Singer and then let her investigate the father of the baby without telling her the truth.  
  
"Harm, I believe you. We said we would ask the hard questions too. I didn't want to think it, I asked so I could be sure. I'm sorry, Harm, I really am. But you should know that even if you had been. I would have been there for you. I know more than well how you get into those situations. Harm, I AM sorry" Mac said and hoped that he would understand that she was sincere.  
  
Harm slowly turned around.  
  
"You once said, apologizing was a sign of weakness," he said.  
  
"Around you, I don't mind being weak. I used to think that the reason why things couldn't work out between us was because we both wanted to be on top. Maybe it was true, we'll never know. I just know that it isn't the problem anymore. Being on top isn't all that important anymore."  
  
Harm walked back towards the couch and sat down.  
  
"Apology accepted," he said seriously. What to say about the other things she had said, he couldn't figure out. She seemed to have given up all hopes of them ever resolving those things that stood between them and a romantic relationship. He didn't know if he had too.  
  
Harm put his hand on hers and took a deep breath, which he let out slowly in a sigh. They looked into each other's eyes. He hadn't intended it, but slowly they moved closer together. Just before their lips touched Harm got up from his seat and went over to Mac's bathroom.  
  
He couldn't kiss her. Not because of the reasons that Mac was thinking at the moment. She thought that he didn't desire her anymore, but he couldn't simply because all of their problems with having a relationship still weren't figured out and he didn't want there to be any confusion about why they had kissed and what it meant to both of them when or if they did.  
  
A few minutes later he stepped out of the bathroom. Mac had started making some tea and set the table with cups, milk and spoons.  
  
"Are you staying?" she asked hoping that he would.  
  
"Yeah," he said carefully to see if that was what she wanted.  
  
Mac smiled and nodded.  
  
"So does the father know about the baby?" Harm looked as if he had no idea what she was talking about.  
  
"The father of Singer's baby," she said to clarify.  
  
"Yeah, I kind of made her call him, but she denied it to him that he would be the father" Harm said.  
  
"Maybe that's the truth. What evidence do you have that he would be?" Mac said trying to get a grip of the situation.  
  
"I kind of saw them together. well not together-together, but..."  
  
"I understand what you mean," Mac said smiling a bit at how Harm managed to tangle himself into the words.  
  
"So do you think he'll try to get involved now?"  
  
"Apparently he thinks that she's telling him the truth. I don't know him all that well, I guess," Harm said with some regret.  
  
"Harm, I know that you're worried and that you care, but I don't think there's anything you can do about it. They are both adults and have to make their own decisions even if they are mistakes. Maybe Singer is telling the truth and someone else is the father."  
  
"But Mac there's a child involved here."  
  
"If you just give them some time. They'll probably work it out themselves. They still have time until the baby comes, right?"  
  
"I guess you're right there."  
  
"Let's hope I am," Mac said.  
  
"You're a good friend, Mac."  
  
"So are you, Harm."  
  
"I'm sorry about earlier."  
  
"Forget about it." Mac said trying not to show how upset him backing away had made her.  
  
"I'll get going now."  
  
"You do that." They both remained seated, neither one making a move to get up.  
  
"OK."  
  
They were still sitting still and then all of a sudden they both got up at the same time and almost knocked each other to the ground.  
  
"Sorry," they both said at the same time. The tension in the air was getting very high and now Harm fled out of the apartment saying a quick goodbye to Mac.  
  
After the door was closed Mac leaned her back against it sighing deeply. She was so glad that she had been able to rebuild her friendship with Harm, but she couldn't help feeling devastated that it could never lead to anything more.  
  
TBC 


	16. Birthday Party

Birthday Party  
  
February 7th 2003  
  
Almost everybody was gathered at the Roberts' place. It was Harriet's birthday they were celebrating. It wasn't a big important birthday they had just felt like gathering their friends at the house. It was still early in the evening and Little AJ hadn't gone to bed yet. Everyone was standing in little groups talking. Mac was trying to make a point to Harm and the admiral about a case she had lost earlier the same week, but couldn't quite get over. Suddenly the youngest of the party-guests ran over to them.  
  
"Hi Mac, Hi Harm, Hi Admiral," he said to all of them. Harm lifted him up, but Little AJ's whole attention was at Mac.  
  
"You're getting fat," he simply said unaware that this wasn't anything wise to say to a woman. The adults all smiled at him.  
  
"Mac isn't getting fat. There is a baby in there," Harm started to explain to his godson and moved his hand towards Mac's stomach stopping midair before he touched it.  
  
"Has she eaten a baby?" Little AJ exclaimed a bit terrified. All of the adults who had been listening in to the conversation broke out in laughter.  
  
"AJ, I haven't eaten a baby. Babies grow inside their mommies tummies before they're born," Mac got out between her laughs. AJ was looking very confused about what they were all laughing at.  
  
"But how did the baby get in there if you didn't eat it?"  
  
"I think you're going to have to explain some things to your son, Bud," the admiral said and laughed, as Bud's face got redder.  
  
This was not a conversation Bud was looking forward to having and he definitely didn't want to have it in front of his superiors.  
  
"AJ, come here. I think it's time for you to go to bed now," Bud said and took him out of Harm's arms.  
  
Everyone was still looking very merry and the conversations were picked up in the little groups again. Mac went over to see if Harriet needed any help.  
  
"No, it's all done, but thank you anyway, ma'am"  
  
"Oh Harriet, please."  
  
"Mac. are you feeling well?"  
  
"Very. I haven't really had any morning sickness at all and the doctor told us yesterday that everything is looking very good. How about you, everything fine with you?"  
  
"I haven't been as lucky as you with the morning sickness, but otherwise everything's quite fine. I guess AJ hadn't quite understood where his new sibling was coming from," Harriet said and smiled, but the smile was lost when she started to think about her last pregnancy and how it had ended. Little AJ hadn't been old enough to remember it and it was hard for her and Bud to talk about it with him.  
  
"You still think about it a lot," Mac had seen the change in Harrriet and guessed where it came from.  
  
"Yeah, I just hope everything will be fine this time."  
  
"So do I. Both for you and me," Mac said thoughtfully. Her eyes wandered around the room and stopped for a while first at Sturgis and then at Harm. They were standing in two different areas of the room.  
  
"Things seem to be going well for you and the commander," Harriet, who had followed Mac's eyes, said.  
  
Mac wasn't quite sure which one of the commanders she was referring to. But either way things were going well. Sturgis and she had reached agreements on where the baby would live and all other important issues for the first years of its life. It turned out that they shared a lot of values and thoughts about raising the child and where they didn't they managed to compromise in ways that were acceptable to both of them. It was working out in theory, time would show if it would work in praxis too.  
  
Harm and she were doing great. When they had arguments they would always resolve them at once, never walking away from each other angry, but the arguments were also not as many as before. When they were disagreeing about something they simply discussed it and then moved on. Being right had lost some of its value to them.  
  
The only thing, which was hard right now, was that Harm and Sturgis still weren't talking. She cared for both of them and knew, even if they hadn't told her, that they missed each other's company. Once or twice she had considered pushing one or the other to taking the first step back, but wisely decided to stay out of it. They had to work it out themselves.  
  
"Commander Turner will make a good father," Harriet said and added "And I think that you can use Commander Rabb's support."  
  
"You're right," Mac said agreeing with both statements.  
  
TBC 


	17. Asking a Colonel Out

Asking a Colonel Out  
  
February 10th 2003  
  
"Hi, are you heading out soon?" Harm asked popping his head into Mac's office. He had just come back from an all-day investigation in Norfolk.  
  
"Yes, Harm, I just want to finish this first," Mac answered a bit annoyed. Everybody was worrying about her at the moment and she had gotten sick of it. She had been annoyed and irritated the whole day, especially towards Sturgis. She was blaming it all on hormones.  
  
Harm wondered if now was the best time to ask this, but figured he could just as well. At least no one was in the office to witness this.  
  
"So, are you doing anything on Friday?" he asked.  
  
"Not yet, you want to hang out?"  
  
"I was thinking about maybe going on a date."  
  
"Oh," Mac was disappointed even if she knew she had no right to be. She had known that he would eventually start to date, but she hadn't been prepared for it to happen so soon. "I hope you'll have a good time. Who is she?"  
  
"What do you mean 'who is she?'"  
  
"Who do you have a date with on Friday?"  
  
"I haven't actually asked her yet."  
  
"Then you need to hurry most women don't keep their calendars open for late date proposals," Mac said "Maybe she's busy already," Mac realized she had uttered her secret hope aloud, but decided not to take any notice on it. She would really try to be happy for him.  
  
"Oh, I think she's still free," Harm smiled "Mac, would you like to go out on a date with me?"  
  
"Harm, that's not funny. Please, if you are my friend, don't make fun of me like that,"  
  
"I'm serious," Mac still didn't look like she had realized what he was asking her. "OK, I'll try this again. Sarah Mackenzie, would you like to go out on a date with me this Friday night?" he asked her again with all the seriousness he could possibly bring out in his voice.  
  
"Harm, I'm pregnant." she said like it would explain everything.  
  
"I know," he said and looked at her growing stomach.  
  
"Do you know what you're getting yourself into?"  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
"Why are you doing this?" Mac sensed she was getting annoyed with him and tried desperately to keep calm.  
  
"Because you are my best friend, because you're a beautiful, desirable woman, because every time you touch me there are sparks flying through my whole body, because I've wanted to do this since the first time I met you and because I didn't like the answer I got last time I asked."  
  
"But it was different then, things have changed."  
  
"You are still the same person to me. The same person I wanted to ask out back then. I've dated women with children before, you know, so I realized I didn't really have a good reason not to ask you out again. But if you don't want to, I'll leave you alone. Not as a friend though, I hope we can still be friends."  
  
Mac was stunned.  
  
"Please, just give me an answer, Mac," she took a deep breath.  
  
"I would love to go out on a date with you this Friday night," Mac then said just as seriously as Harm's question had been.  
  
A loud sigh was heard from Harm.  
  
"You had me worried there for a while. I'll let you finish up now. See you tomorrow. And I'll pick you up 1900 Friday." Harm could hardly wait until then.  
  
'He asked me out, he asked me out' Mac was singing to herself and five minutes later turned off her computer, she couldn't possibly get anything more done.  
  
TBC 


	18. Valentine

Part 18: Valentine  
  
February 14th 2003  
  
"You're five minutes late, Sailor," Mac said as she opened the door. Harm stretched out a bouquet of flowers to her.  
  
"OK, you're forgiven," she smiled and stepped aside to let him in. She was wearing a new skirt and blouse that she'd bought on her lunch break. The day before she had been trying to pick out something to wear for the special occasion. Unfortunately she didn't fit into any of her go-out clothes, as a matter of fact all of her cloths were getting pretty tight. She had to do some serious shopping soon. She had already had to exchange her uniforms for bigger sizes. Harm was quite impressed with her new attire.  
  
"You look beautiful," he said and continued to watch her.  
  
"Thank you. I'll probably never get to wear this skirt again. It feels like I could grow out of it by tomorrow,"  
  
"What's saying you'll never be pregnant again?"  
  
"Harm, let me get through this pregnancy first, OK?" Mac said and decided to move the discussion to another topic.  
  
"I didn't realize today was Valentine's Day when you asked me out."  
  
"Is there someone else you'd rather spend it with?" Harm asked.  
  
"Not at the moment," Mac said pretending like it was a hard question she had to think a lot about before answering.  
  
"Ready to go?" Harm asked.  
  
"Ready to go,"  
  
Half an hour later they were sitting at the bar of a romantic French restaurant waiting for their table to be available. After they had parked the car, Harm had taken Mac's hand in his and it had stayed that way up until now. They were talking about everything except the JAG-office. Mac was telling him about when her father had taught her how to ride a bike, Harm was happy that she was sharing some of her good memories of her father with him. They were laughing together when an old friend showed up.  
  
"Hi Harm and Mac, I thought it was you I saw."  
  
"Congresswoman," Mac and Harm said simultaneously a bit in unnerved about meeting someone they knew. Quite unsure how to act with each other when they were alone in this very new situation, interacting when there was people they knew watching them made them hit a new high of awkwardness.  
  
"I heard a rumor about a marine colonel being pregnant with on of her colleagues and suspected that you two had finally gotten your acts together. Nice to see that I was right. Congratulations," Bobbi Latham said.  
  
"Harm isn't the father," Mac blurted out rapidly to end the misunderstanding.  
  
"How are things up on the Hill?" Harm asked to lead the conversation onto another area. At the same time he squeezed her hand tighter.  
  
"Very well, thank you." Bobbi said still quite curious, but realizing there were probably other ways to find out more about this.  
  
A waitress came up to Harm and Mac and told them their table was ready. They said goodbye to Bobbi.  
  
"Say hello to Sturgis from me," Bobbi requested before they walked away.  
  
"I never knew why things ended between those two," Harm said sort of asking what Mac knew about it.  
  
"Sturgis and I rarely discuss each other's love life, Harm,"  
  
"So he doesn't know about this?"  
  
"Not yet." Mac said  
  
"But you're planning on telling him about it."  
  
"Yes," was all Mac said and Harm didn't ask anything more about it. It was hard to know that another man was so involved with the woman he loved. But he also understood that especially after the baby was born. Sturgis would need to know, and probably find out anyway, what went on in Mac's life.  
  
"You don't have to be jealous of Sturgis, Harm. If we had any sort of romantic feelings for each other, I probably wouldn't be here with you right now. We'd have a pretty good reason to try to make it work, wouldn't we?"  
  
"I'm glad you're here," Harm said wondering if it was really nice to be so happy that the parents of an unborn baby weren't together. On the other hand his existence in the equation didn't change anything anyway, at least if he wanted to believe Mac and he wanted to do that.  
  
"I'm glad you're here too," Mac woke Harm up from his thinking.  
  
"You said you wanted to ask me out a long time ago, since we first met. Why didn't you?" Mac asked.  
  
"You remember that," Mac nodded "Well you know there were many reasons. In a way I'm glad I didn't," Harm said and Mac's heart sunk "Because I think we have a much better chance of making this last forever now than we ever had before."  
  
"I guess you're right. We've never been as open with each other or so capable of resolving our conflicts as we have been lately."  
  
"No, we haven't."  
  
"Have you talked to Singer?" Mac asked remembering the conversation a few weeks back at her apartment.  
  
"I'm listening to your advice and are letting them work things out for themselves."  
  
Dinner went by quickly as they were both having a wonderful time. A lot of things were just like they were whenever they had met in their free time before, they were talking about things they would normally talk about, they had let go of each other's hands and had anyone of their friends seen them they wouldn't have suspected that anything was different. But to them the difference was like night and day. They were out on a date, a real date, something they both had secretly dreamed about for so long. No words of love or intentions had been exchanged, but somehow they knew that what they wanted themselves wasn't very far from what the other wanted.  
  
They ordered desserts, Mac ate both hers and Harm's, stating she was eating for two now. They went out to the car to go home. Outside of Mac's apartment Harm stopped the car.  
  
"You want to come up?"  
  
"On.Only if you want me to," Harm said nervously.  
  
"I didn't ask you to spend the night," Mac teased and Harm got all red in the face.  
  
"I know," He said embarrassed that she had understood what he was thinking about. They got out of the car and went up to her apartment. Mac put on a pot of tea and Harm searched her CD-collection for some music.  
  
"Is it OK if I put this one on?" He held out a CD-cover.  
  
"Sure," she put the cups of tea on the table.  
  
He sat down on the couch and Mac went to sit down right beside him. Harm put his arm around her so she would sit as close as possible to him. They leaned back against the couch.  
  
"This is nice," Harm said. Mac had closed her eyes and just mumbled an answer. They sat silent like that for a small eternity.  
  
"Are you still awake, Mac?" Harm asked as he realized how late it was.  
  
"Mm," she said sleepily.  
  
"I need to go home, " Harm said with some regret.  
  
"Mm," she said again. Harm started to get up and Mac was awake again when she felt him stir. They both got up from the couch and walked towards the door.  
  
"I'll call you tomorrow,"  
  
"Not if I call you first," Mac smiled. Harm kept eye contact with her as he was putting on his jacket. Now came the hard part of this evening, how to end it. There seemed to be no suitable and normal way for them. They seemed to be having the same problem, because they were both just standing still looking at the other person.  
  
"Would you mind sharing one of those awkward moments again?" Harm finally got up the courage to ask.  
  
"Not if it involves a kiss," Mac said and they both moved in for the kiss. It was slow and sweet and ended much to soon for both of their likings.  
  
"Goodbye Mac," Harm said still not more than two inches from Mac's mouth. He turned around and walked out. It had been the best Valentine's Day. Ever.  
  
TBC  
  
AN: From part 20 and the rest there will be episodes involved that I haven't actually seen. Just read reviews of. I'd be really grateful if someone would offer to beta read those parts and answer some of my questions, so that there aren't any major mistakes. Of course there will be differences, but I want to keep close to the original. Thank you in advance! 


	19. The BabySitters

The Baby-Sitters  
  
February 15th 2003  
  
"Hi Sailor!"  
  
"Mac," Harm groaned sleepily "this is exactly why I said that I would call you."  
  
"Oh, did I wake you up?" Mac said playfully. "I had a wonderful time yesterday."  
  
"So did I. Are you doing anything tonight?"  
  
"Yeah, I have a date," Mac said.  
  
"You have a what?" Harm almost shouted slightly terrified and very confused. Had he once again so thoroughly misunderstood what was happening between them?  
  
"A play date with AJ. I promised Harriet a while back that I would baby- sit."  
  
Harm breathed out a sigh of relief. "That's not very nice Mac."  
  
"No worse than what you've done. So you want to come with me tonight?"  
  
"Sure why not?"  
  
"I'll pick you up so we can go in one car."  
  
"Yeah, why not?"  
  
"Can you say anything other then 'why not' today?" Mac snapped at him. Harm realized that there were some serious mood swings going on.  
  
"I'll pick you up at six," Mac ended the call.  
  
Six o'clock sharp Mac was outside Harm's apartment. He was all ready to go and came walking towards the car before she got out.  
  
"Hi," he said as he opened the door and got into the car. He bended over and kissed her on the lips. It wasn't something he had planned on doing, but as he did it, it felt so natural to both of them. They smiled and Mac started the engine.  
  
Mac drove her car over to the Roberts' house and during the whole drive they were talking and joking with each other. They went up to the house and knocked on the door.  
  
"Hi Mac. and Harm," Harriet said as she opened the door.  
  
"I brought some reinforcement. Hope that's OK," Mac said.  
  
"Of course. AJ was already exited about you coming and now he'll be so thrilled with having both of you. Bud, AJ, are you coming?" She shouted into the house.  
  
"Hi, Mac! Oh. Harm. Mummy didn't tell me you were coming too," he threw himself at Harm who lifted him up.  
  
"Oh, I just didn't think it would be safe for you with all that marine influence," Harm joked. Mac gave him looked at him with coldness.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"It means you'll end up just like Mac."  
  
"You're talking like that would be a bad thing," Mac said and Harriet and even AJ sensed that they were caught in the middle of something where their presence was hardly noticed.  
  
A couple of seconds later Bud showed up too.  
  
"Commander, I thought I heard your voice. Are you staying with AJ and the colonel?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"It is so nice of you to do this for us," Bud said gratefully.  
  
"We'll have a blast all three of us so don't worry about us," Harm said and neither Bud nor Harriet worried about it just being something he said without meaning it.  
  
"There's lasagna in the fridge. You just need to heat it. We'll see you later tonight,"  
  
"Have a nice time," Mac said.  
  
"Bye Mummy and Daddy," AJ said without being bothered at all about them leaving. He took Mac's hand to lead her to his room to show her his new jigsaw puzzle. They played a few different games together all three of them and than they had the lasagna. During dinner AJ started asking questions about the baby.  
  
"Where is the baby going to live? I know you and Sturgis don't live together."  
  
"When it's very little it will live with me all the time and Sturgis will come and visit and take care of the baby at my place and later he or she can live with one of us some time and then with the other one." Mac tried to answer the question so AJ would understand, but she also looked at Harm to see if he was uncomfortable about it and she should try to stop them.  
  
"Kevin from the sitter's lives mostly with his mother and then some time with his father. They fight al the time. He told me so. Is that why you and Sturgis don't live together?" AJ asked after thinking about what Mac had said a bit.  
  
Harm and Mac looked at each other. Mac had no idea how to explain this to a four year old. Harm decided to try to help.  
  
"When grown ups REALLY like each other they want to live together and when they just like each other as friends they don't want to do that. Most people have babies with people they really like and then some of them realize they don't get along and can't live with each other."  
  
"I like Sturgis very much, but I don't want to live with him. We are very good friends and don't fight at all," Mac added to make sure that AJ understood that there were no hard feelings between Sturgis and her.  
  
"OK," AJ said and dropped the subject pleased with the answers he had gotten. Had he been older he might have had more questions, but to him now all the questions were answered.  
  
Soon after dinner Harm and Mac noticed that AJ was already getting pretty tired and decided to put on a video and watch it until he fell asleep. Suggesting that he'd go to bed would have been met with serious resistance from AJ.  
  
"I think he's sleeping now," Harm said to Mac half an hour later. Mac went to turn off the video and Harm picked up AJ, who had been sitting between the two of them. Mac followed them to AJ's room and they tucked him in.  
  
"Children are so beautiful when they are sleeping," Harm said.  
  
"Yeah," Mac agreed.  
  
"What do you want to do now?"  
  
"Let's go back to the living room and finish watching the movie."  
  
"You find Beauty and the Beast so fascinating."  
  
"As a matter of fact I do," Mac answered playfully.  
  
They ended up back on the couch. Mac watched the movie and Harm watched Mac watch the movie. It ended and Mac's face was covered in tears.  
  
"So sad?"  
  
"Yeah. Hormones."  
  
"Right," Harm said not quite convinced but thinking it would be better not to upset those assumed sleeping hormones and cause another mood swing.  
  
He wiped the tears off of her face and leaned his head towards hers. They started kissing very slowly at first but they got more passionate by and by. There was nothing to end or disturb the kiss until they heard someone at the door. They flew apart from each other and quickly went over their clothes to make sure nothing would expose their activities on the couch.  
  
"Did you have a nice evening?" Harriet asked as she walked into the room. Bud had gone up to check on AJ.  
  
"Yes," both Harm and Mac answered at the same time.  
  
"Good" Harriet said. She sensed a certain tension in the air, but couldn't quite pinpoint what the cause of it was. It didn't feel like the fight- tension, but that could still be it. "I bet you're anxious to get home. Thank you so much for this. We had a wonderful time," she said and Harm and Mac couldn't have walked any faster to the door grabbing their jackets and heading towards the car saying their goodbyes on the run.  
  
"Do you think she suspected anything?" Harm said once they were in the car.  
  
"She suspected something, but I don't think she knows exactly what," Mac answered and started to drive off. "I mean we were quite obvious that something was different. We need to be more careful in the future."  
  
"I hope we won't have to keep this a secret for long."  
  
"You want to go public with this. What is this thing really?" Mac said a bit frustrated. It was hard to know what to call a person who you had known and loved, but only had as a best friend for seven years and had one date with. Especially since she was carrying another man's child.  
  
"I don't know what to call it either, you are so much to me, but I know what I want to be able to call you."  
  
"What would that be?"  
  
"Eventually I want you to be my girlfriend. A serious relationship, that's what I'm hoping we're heading for. What do you want from this?"  
  
"I want to always be the person who's closest to you, who shares your life with all its good and its bad."  
  
"Does that translate to that you wouldn't mind being my girlfriend?"  
  
"Yes, I most definitely wouldn't min that. I need to ask you something though. Can we take this slow?"  
  
"We'll do this at a pace that we're both comfortable with," Harm assured her. They both wanted the same thing and they both knew what the other wanted. He could wait for as long as it would take.  
  
"And what do we do about the public-question?"  
  
"Why don't we just take it as it comes, if someone asks us or so we'll tell them, but until there's really something to tell we don't surrender any information voluntarily. What do you think about that?"  
  
"You're a wise man, Rabb," Mac said and glanced sideways at Harm. They had gotten to Harm's building now and Mac stopped the car. They kissed goodbye, it was such a natural thing for them to do now. 'Why hadn't they started doing that long before?'  
  
"You want to do something tomorrow?" Harm asked not quite sure he could stand being away from her until Monday.  
  
"I'm having dinner with Sturgis and his father tomorrow and I have some work to do," Mac said a bit sad about having to say no to seeing him. She was looking forward to dinner tomorrow though. It was a nice tradition of late to meet casually on Sundays preparing for what was to come. Sturgis and Mac had agreed to try to make Sunday a family day for their unconventional family. That way the child would spend time with both of its parents together. They wanted to give him or her a place of belonging with both of its parents at the same time, even if they would never live all together.  
  
"OK. See you Monday then." Harm said a bit disappointed.  
  
"Yeah," they kissed another goodbye and Harm got out of the car. Mac drove home through the night. Her life was so complicated. She was making plans for a child with one man and a relationship with another. Still her feelings about both things, especially the later, had never seemed less complicated.  
  
TBC 


	20. Firing At Your Friends

AN: Thank you Cria for beta-reading this!  
  
Firing At Your Friends  
  
February 24th 2003  
  
Sturgis was sitting in his office waiting for his client to show up. Yesterday, Sunday, he had as usual spent with Mac. He suspected that something had happened between her and Harm, but she hadn't said anything and from Harm he wouldn't hear anything anyway. Sturgis was quite sure Mac would tell him when she was ready and there was something to tell, so he hadn't asked about it. Either way Mac seemed happier than he had ever known her and whatever was good for Mac was good for the baby and that was what was really important.  
  
Last week he had run into Bobbie. He hadn't seen her since they had stopped seeing each other. She had told him about running into Harm and Mac at a restaurant and asked him about the father of the baby. He had of course told her about it and she had been shocked however not let on as much as she could have. All in all it had been a nice run in. Of course she telling him about seeing Harm and Mac at a restaurant had increased his suspicions about them, but he still felt that it would be better to not ask Mac about it yet.  
  
He had just come out of a briefing with the admiral. He was prosecuting a case of friendly fire. Mac and Bud were going to defend and Harm was on the bench. How this case would turn out was hard to tell. It was just to wait and see and hope for the best. But if the way Mac and Harm had acted around each other just during the briefing was any indication on how it was going to go, it wouldn't go very well.  
  
February 28th 2003  
  
Mac was heading over to Harm's place. She wasn't as comfortable about it as she had been lately, before this week. She felt that the whole trial with Harm on the bench had been difficult and damaging for their relationship and friendship. Exactly how damaging she would find out tonight. They hadn't seen each other privately during the trial, but had already decided at the beginning of the week that they would see each other Friday, so here she was.  
  
It hadn't been the smartest thing she had done, to question Harm as judge from the start, and then tell him he should step down and even request it in front of the admiral. Of course he had been friendly with her today in the office when the admiral had also offered her the job of judge for a period of time. It was something else though to be over it at the office and how they would be around each other alone.  
  
"So you did come," Harm said when he opened the door and saw her.  
  
"Hi, can I come in?"  
  
"I did invite you," He said but the warmth in his voice she had gotten used to since their first date, or maybe even before that, was partly gone.  
  
"Do you still want to?"  
  
"I think we need to talk."  
  
"Yes, we do. I'm sorry about not trusting you from the start. I should have known better."  
  
"I would have hoped so and I was sad to see you didn't. Do you really think that we can build a relationship together if you don't?"  
  
"I'm trying Harm."  
  
"Yeah, I know you are and I don't think that will be our biggest obstacle to overcome."  
  
"Then what is?"  
  
"I can't have you that close and let you hurt me and then be expected to take you back like nothing has happened."  
  
"This isn't just about the trial, is it?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Is that what you think. That I don't care about how this thing with me and Sturgis affected you and I will do something like that whenever we run into problems," Mac was hurt and shocked by the revelations and sat down on the chair beside her.  
  
"How am I supposed to think anything else? When you had a problem with me at work you first brought it up in the courtroom and then went directly to the admiral. When you have a problem with me privately I know who you'll go to."  
  
"This isn't going to work if you bring that up every time we have a fight either. If you're going to hold that against me forever, we can't continue this." Their voices were getting louder and louder and Mac had stood up from the chair again.  
  
"So answer me this. Why did you do it? What were you thinking?"  
  
"I didn't think that's why it happened. I was so hurt by what you said."  
  
"What I said?" Harm was being provocative.  
  
"Yes, when we were working on the O'Neil's trial and you talked to me about how I had slept my way into law school."  
  
"But." Harm was starting to defend himself.  
  
"I know that you didn't mean it like that. I know that now and at some level I already knew that back then. Most of all I felt like I would never have a chance to have you, because you didn't want me, not seriously."  
  
"Are you blaming this on me?" Harm was getting angry again.  
  
"No, I'm not. You asked me and I answered the best I could. I take full responsibility for what happened," Mac was so close to tears now and the anger was letting go to just be replaced by sadness. 'I should have realized that this couldn't last forever' she told herself.  
  
"I've been so happy the last couple of weeks. You didn't make me feel like I owed you for giving me a second chance. We were on equal grounds in this. I knew you had reasons not to give me a second chance and I guess I should have known that you getting past it was to good to be true. I know that you're justified in not getting past it, but the thing is if you can't get past it then I'd better go now. I can't be in a relationship like that," Mac turned around and walked out the door.  
  
She heard the door slam shut and a second later it was flung open again and Harm stormed out grabbing her wrist and swung her around.  
  
"I don't want you to go," he said and crushed his lips on hers. They stumbled into the apartment and up the few steps to the sleeping-part of the loft without letting each other out of the passionate embrace. They fell onto the bed together and continued to kiss fiercely. All of a sudden a piercing pain from Mac's stomach ran through her whole body. Harm sensed her tense at once and tried to help her up. She was bending over in pain.  
  
"My baby," she squealed.  
  
"Mac, it'll be OK. I'll take you to the hospital," he lifted her up and carried her down to his car. The whole time he was mumbling about how sorry he was.  
  
Twenty minutes later they were in the ER of the closest hospital. The nurse was setting up an ultra sound to check on the baby. Mac was however already doing much better and the pains were completely gone.  
  
"We'll see what we have here," the doctor said as he walked into the room. He had a really calming sound to his voice and Mac felt even better just by seeing him.  
  
"Everything seems to be quite fine with this little person," he finally said as he finished watching the screen. "Do you want to know if it's a boy or a girl?"  
  
Harm looked blankly at Mac who shrugged and said "We haven't decided yet, but I think I want to know. Can you tell?"  
  
"Yes, it's quite clear," the doctor looked at Mac who nodded affirmatively for him to tell her. "It looks like you're having a daughter."  
  
"A daughter," Mac smiled thinking about the little baby girl who was growing inside of her and she was so relieved to know everything was fine.  
  
"The pains you experienced were probably your body's way of telling you to slow down and not stress so much, it can be pretty dangerous. Have you had a rough week?"  
  
"Pretty much," Mac said and Harm looked guiltily at her. She took his hand and squeezed it.  
  
"You don't have to worry about sex and such activities it's not dangerous for the fetus and didn't cause the pains, I'm quite sure," the doctor added.  
  
"We weren't." Harm protested.  
  
"Maybe you should wipe that lipstick off of your face, son. It really isn't your color."  
  
Harm blushed and began to rub his face furiously. Mac laughed, she hadn't noticed it before, being so concerned about the baby.  
  
"You're free to go now," the doctor smiled and left the room. Mac got dressed and was ready to leave.  
  
"Would it be OK if I stayed over?" Harm asked as they were driving out of the hospital parking lot.  
  
"Just because the doctor said."  
  
"No, I meant in your guestroom. In case something happens again, I'd like to be there."  
  
"I was just kidding. I would feel safe with you there."  
  
Well at the apartment Mac got out some sheets to make up the bed in the guestroom.  
  
"So this will be the baby's room later, right?"  
  
"Mm," Mac nodded "but I'll probably keep the big bed in here for when Sturgis comes."  
  
"He'll be staying here?" Harm didn't really like that idea.  
  
"I wouldn't want to leave him out of those sleepless nights and while I'm breastfeeding he can't take her overnight to his place," Mac explained and gave Harm the sheets "I'm off to bed now. Goodnight, Harm." She walked out of the room and this night they didn't share a goodnight kiss.  
  
March 1st 2003  
  
Mac was up making pancakes for breakfast and the smell woke Harm up.  
  
"Good morning. How are you today?"  
  
"Very well," Mac smiled at him. The phone rang and Harm answered as Mac was busy with turning over her pancakes.  
  
"Colonel Mackenzie's residence."  
  
"Hold on a second," Harm handed the phone over to Mac, who had finished the pancakes. "It's Sturgis."  
  
"Hi."  
  
"I'm fine, Sturgis," Harm cocked his eyebrow.  
  
"The class starts at 3 o'clock. Can you be here by then?" Mac asked and Sturgis gave her a short answer.  
  
"See you later," Mac hung up the phone.  
  
"You didn't tell him about last night."  
  
"No, I didn't want to do worry him over the phone. I think I'll tell him about it at the same time as I explain why you're answering my phone at seven o'clock in the morning."  
  
"Sorry," Harm said apologetic.  
  
"It's OK."  
  
"So maybe we should talk about what happened yesterday." Mac turned away from him and just ignored what he had said.  
  
"I'm sorry about all those things I said yesterday. I didn't mean them." Harm started to say. He knew she had heard him and just didn't want to talk about it, but he also knew this was something they needed to go through.  
  
"You wouldn't have said them unless you'd meant them," Mac stated.  
  
"I was under a lot of pressure and couldn't control myself. I don't want to hurt you, but at that time I think I did intend for it to hurt you and I brought all those ugly feelings from deep down out. I can just assure you that the person standing in front of you now doesn't feel that way. We said we needed to give this time and I know that with some time I would be able to overcome these insecurities," he paused hoping she would say something.  
  
"But I don't want to put you and your baby at risk and I would if we kept seeing each other and maybe got into a fight like that again." Mac still wasn't facing him and it was hard for him to know how she was reacting to what he had said. If she had understood what he was getting at.  
  
"So maybe we should postpone those dates for a later time." Harm took Mac's arm and turned her around so he could see her face. She was crying without making a sound. Harm started to put his arms around her, but she put her hands out in front of her to keep him on an arm's length.  
  
"Is that what you really want?" she asked taking control of her tears.  
  
"Of course not. I. I want this, but that price wouldn't be worth paying. What if something happened? You would resent me forever."  
  
"I've been so happy these last weeks and loosing that again won't be easy for me," Mac said.  
  
"Well, neither will it be for me."  
  
"Then how can you want to hurt us like that? Unless you're planning on repeating those things again I don't think there's any way for you to hurt me more then by walking out that door."  
  
"Mac, are you sure? 'Cause I can't make any promises," he paused "not yet. And I wouldn't walk out that door completely, I'd still be your friend."  
  
"I think it would be hard to go back to that now, especially if we haven't found that it doesn't work and only postponed it. I'm suppose to be the one who worries about the baby not you and I'm sure that what's good for me will be good for her and I'm just as sure about you being good for me. Please Harm don't walk away from this," she had put down her arms again and he once again started to put his arms around her and held her quite tight when she also had her arms around him.  
  
"Can we do this?" he whispered in her ear.  
  
"If we just believe in each other, we can do anything," she whispered back.  
  
TBC 


	21. Unveiled

AN: I want to thank Cria for answering my questions about Heart and Soul and also for beta-ing this part. I'm also so happy for all of the reviews I get.  
  
Unveiled  
  
March 3rd 2003  
  
Mac was looking through her notes for the case that she was presiding over. She hoped that being a judge would cause her less stress than prosecuting, defending and investigating cases and that she that way wouldn't repeat the trip to the ER. She was really happy about the fact that Harm wasn't involved in this case. On the other hand she didn't really like him going flying either. It always worried about him then and was so relieved when he got back on the ground OK. He was a good pilot; she didn't doubt that, he just always seemed to get into some trouble while flying. When he had the admiral behind him he might be more careful.  
  
The rest of the weekend had been nice. Sturgis and she had been to there first Lamaze-class. It had been very interesting. He had been very worried when he found out about her visit to hospital. She feared he would start treating her even more like a porcelain doll. Sturgis was so exited when he found out about the baby being a girl and the joy had taken away some of his worries just like it had done for Mac.  
  
She had decided not to tell him about the new and still somewhat indescribable status of her and Harm's relationship. The only thing she had told him that they were friends and he had stayed with her over night to incase she'd experience more pains. It wasn't so far off the truth and Sturgis had no problems believing it. He thought he'd might have been wrong about assuming Harm and Mac had moved past that friendship line.  
  
It was time for the trial to begin and Mac got all of her things in order to go over to it.  
  
By the end of the day Mac was exhausted. This definitely hadn't been any calmer than her usual workdays. She was glad that they had finally found the admiral and she could breath out. Wasn't it just typical for Harm to eject his CO from a plane in the middle of nowhere? At least they were both safe again. Harm had called her and promised to come over in a couple of minutes. She was happy because she felt like she needed to be able to see for herself that he was OK. Sure Harm hadn't been the one in serious trouble, but it was still him she had worried the most about.  
  
Finally there was a knock on the door. She rushed over to open the door and hugged him quite tightly.  
  
"Do you think I could get such a welcome every time I come to see you?" Mac silenced him by pressing her lips to his.  
  
"You wish."  
  
Harm came into the apartment, but didn't stay for long when he noticed that she was tired and had yawned several times in just a couple of minutes.  
  
"I'll get going so you can get some sleep," Mac followed Harm to the door not really disagreeing with him. They kissed a long goodbye and at the same time Harm was reaching for the door to get out before it went to far and he wouldn't be able to leave at all. The door was opened but neither one of them let go until Mac sensed another person's presence. She jumped back from Harm.  
  
She was still a little out of breath, but managed to get out "Sturgis, what are you doing here?" At the same time Harm turned around to face his former friend. Sturgis didn't say anything, he wasn't sure he had anything to say about this at all. The two men just looked at each other both very uncomfortable. Most uncomfortable however was Mac. Harm reached out his hand to her to make sure she knew he wouldn't leave her to deal with this on her own.  
  
"Mac, I just came by to check on you. I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who does that," Sturgis said to let Mac know he didn't have a problem with her and Harm.  
  
"I'm fine, Sturgis, but next time maybe you can call first," Mac said and all three of them saw something extremely funny in the situation and the tension was released for a second, but it came back later just as strong.  
  
"I think we should leave you to get some sleep, Mac," Harm said. He didn't want to leave her alone with Sturgis and decided to take it upon himself to tell him exactly where they were standing with each other. Both Mac and Sturgis understood that that was what he meant.  
  
Mac looked a bit alarmed, but decided to leave them to themselves. Maybe if the two of them started talking, they would reach some agreement between them. It would probably be the first time they had spoken with each other about something that didn't concern a case.  
  
Harm went out the door and closed it behind him. He started to walk down the stairs and Sturgis followed him. Neither one had said a single word yet.  
  
"Let's go for a walk," Harm said once they were back out on the street.  
  
"Harm, neither one of you need to explain anything to me really," Sturgis said "Once the baby is here of course it will be needed for Mac and me to know what's going on in each other's lives, since it will affect the baby. But she will always be a free person to do whatever she wants to do. As long as she doesn't put the baby at risk of course, which she would never do anyway."  
  
"I just want you to know that we're taking things slow and don't really want anyone to know about this at this point."  
  
"I'll respect that."  
  
"The baby's well-being is most important, for me too."  
  
Sturgis nodded, he had never known Harm to be so mature and honest about his feelings. He was like a different person from the one he had known and been so close friends with.  
  
"I know we can't go back to the way things were, but I want you to know that I miss our friendship. That's my biggest regret in all of this," Sturgis said.  
  
"Getting Mac pregnant isn't?" Harm asked.  
  
"I still know that she wasn't planned and the fact that she existed was such a 'unpleasant' shock to us when we found out, but I can't really remember how that felt. She is just a wonderful being I'm looking so much forward to getting to know," Sturgis spoke from his heart and got a bit worried about how Harm would react to this. However, he did know, because of what Mac had told him, that Harm had never uttered one bad word about the baby's existence.  
  
"I know what you mean," Harm said to put Sturgis at ease. No matter how he felt about what Sturgis and Mac had done, he didn't want to make either one of them suffer from it. The little part of him, who had argued with Mac the other night might want to, but he didn't. And to let the baby pay for her parents mistakes even if it was just in thought, had never crossed his mind.  
  
"All children are miracles," that was how Harm felt and slowly this baby that Mac was carrying was becoming the biggest of them all for Harm.  
  
"They are. So are we OK?" Sturgis asked.  
  
Harm looked at him thoughtfully "I think we basically want the same thing, that Mac and the baby are well and happy, so we should be able to get along for their sake."  
  
"Yes, we do and we should," Sturgis said and stopped in front of his car. Now he noticed Harm's car across the street. He hadn't seen it when he got there.  
  
"See you around," Harm crossed the street and got into his own car. He realized that the close friendship he had had with Sturgis was forever over and it would never be possible for them to totally repair it. It wasn't because he blamed Sturgis more for what had happened or that he was really still holding a grudge against him. There were obviously such different emotions he had for Mac, than he had for Sturgis. The ones he had for Mac were forcing him to work hard on getting past all of their problems and he was incapable of doing the same with Sturgis at the moment. Maybe as his relationship with Mac progressed he would be able to get closer to Sturgis again or maybe nothing would change from the way things were now. Either way they were at a stage now that all three of them would be able to live with and he was glad for that.  
  
TBC 


	22. CarShopping

Car-Shopping  
  
March 7th 2003  
  
"Ma'am, are we all set for tomorrow?" Harriet asked Mac who was on her way across the bullpen.  
  
"Yes, it's very nice of you to come with me, Harriet."  
  
"I'm glad you asked, we'll have fun, I'm sure."  
  
"Definitely."  
  
"All right I'll see you tomorrow then."  
  
Mac walked over to Harm's office to say goodbye before she left.  
  
"Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?" he asked her.  
  
"Harm, I would so love to, but I have to go straight home to my bed tonight," she answered him reluctantly. It had been a busy week at work for her since she had been acting JAG and all of her time off, she had spent sleeping. The pregnancy was recently making her needing a lot more sleep then she usually did, which meant that she hadn't seen Harm outside of work and she had started missing being with him enormously. It felt weird to her, who had always tried to avoid depending on another person too much and to not show her emotions, how he in such a short amount of time had made her do the exact opposite. The truth was that she didn't mind so much, she was only afraid that she would put to much pressure on him if she showed that she needed him and that would scare him off.  
  
Harm saw how tired she was and even though he missed seeing her alone understood that she was making the right decision. She obviously needed to get some sleep.  
  
"Don't worry about it. Maybe we can do something tomorrow instead. I could cook you dinner," Harm tempted her.  
  
"Sounds wonderful. I'll come by around six if that's fine."  
  
"Sure, come whenever you want. I'll probably be home the whole afternoon working."  
  
"Are you ready to leave too?" Mac asked and Harm nodded. They walked out of the building together.  
  
March 8th 2003  
  
The next day Mac and Harriet were leaving what they had decided to be the last car dealer of the day.  
  
"I'm sorry, Mac, that we didn't find a new car for you," Harriet said.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I just wasn't quite ready to do this yet."  
  
"Are you so attached to the corvette? You didn't seem sorry about selling it when I talked to you about it the last time."  
  
"No. it's a time in my life that is over. I don't really mind getting something else and more suitable. I just can't make up my mind about what kind of car."  
  
"We'll just have to try again some time. What are you doing tonight then? We're having some friends over and you are very welcome as well," Harriet said.  
  
"I have some things I have to get done, but thanks for inviting me, Harriet," Mac said not really liking lying to her friend about why she couldn't come. Harriet probably wouldn't have thought anything special about it even if she had said that she was going over to Harm's, since the two of them had been known to see each other outside of work long before too. Mac was just being a bit paranoid about making sure no one found out about them yet.  
  
"I'll see you on Monday then."  
  
"Yes and thank you so much for coming with me today. It would have been really weird to go to that Lamaze-class alone."  
  
"Don't mention it. Mac, you can ask me again if you need to. It was so funny when the instructor didn't know which one of us who was the 'pregnant' woman." arriet for comiforoooo  
  
"Yeah, it was. Have a nice evening."  
  
"You too."  
  
Mac rushed home and got ready as fast as she could. It had truly been a nice day with Harriet, but Mac couldn't help herself from thinking about Harm every few minutes. She didn't want to wait much longer to see him. An hour later Mac was driving over to Harm's apartment. She knocked on his door and he came to open up.  
  
"So anxious to see me, Mac," Harm said jokingly. In reality he was really happy she had gotten there an hour earlier than she had said she would. They embraced and kissed.  
  
"So what are you cooking for us?" she asked. She had always been a good eater, but recently she felt like she spent all of her time either by eating or thinking about eating. That was when she wasn't sleeping of course, then she was dreaming about it..  
  
"Spinach pie," Harm answered and Mac glared at him disgusted like she considered turning around and walking out of the apartment to try to get something real to eat.  
  
"Oh, don't look at me like that," Harm said to her "It's really good with sun-dried tomatoes, olives and blue cheese. It isn't done yet though."  
  
"Will it go faster if I help?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
The pie turned out better then she had thought and soon they were sitting at the table both enjoying the food.  
  
"So what did you and Harriet do today?"  
  
"Harriet came with me to the Lamaze-class at the hospital, since Sturgis is away and then we went looking for a car."  
  
"Bud and Harriet are buying a new car?"  
  
"No, I am. I'm changing mine for something more. practical,"  
  
"You were going to say boring."  
  
"I was not."  
  
"You were too." Mac glared at him but silently admitted that he was right.  
  
"I'll let you borrow mine," Harm promised her. She looked a bit surprised, but thought it was extremely sweet of him to say that. Her smile told him that she would love to take him up on that promise.  
  
"So did you find something you liked?"  
  
"Not yet."  
  
"Do you want me to come with you looking some other time then?" he offered.  
  
"Weren't you the one who said that you couldn't go car shopping with your girlfriend, unless." Mac stopped as she realized that she had for the first time referred to herself as his girlfriend and she wasn't quite sure how he would feel about calling herself that. Technically they'd only been going out on real dates for three weeks.  
  
"It doesn't count if it's the girlfriend who's buying the car," Harm answered and added to himself 'and it wouldn't be such a bad thing to buy this girlfriend a ring eventually either.'  
  
"I didn't realize that." Mac smiled at him. Apparently, she could now be referred to as Harm's girlfriend. A part of her wanted to go down to the street and sing and dance, but she restrained herself thinking that Harm probably didn't want to have his girlfriend emitted to a psych ward.  
  
They moved over to the couch. Some music was playing softly in the background and after a while the discussion died down and they sat together in silence. Actually only Harm was sitting up, whereas Mac was lying with her head on his lap. He was touching and playing with her hair until he realized she had fallen asleep. He probably should have woken her up and taken her home so that she could have gotten to sleep in her own bed, but he just didn't want to be separated from her. He continued to sit there and watch her sleep. An hour later Mac woke up.  
  
"You're awake?" he whispered.  
  
"Yeah," Mac was a little confused about where she was, but slowly she understood. She really needed to get home to her own bed now, but she wanted to stay with Harm longer at the same time.  
  
"Come I'll take you home, Mac, so you can get some sleep. You weren't kidding when you told me you were tired all the time. You fell asleep before nine o'clock," he teased her.  
  
"Sorry, about that. I have my car here. I can drive myself home." Mac stood up from the couch.  
  
"I don't think that would be a very good idea. What if you fall asleep while you're driving?" he closed the distance to her and silenced her with a kiss, so she couldn't protest. It had only been meant as a quick kiss, but once they were kissing neither one of them could let the other go.  
  
"You can stay here tonight," Harm got out once they paused for air.  
  
"Harm, I'm not ready for... I."  
  
"You'll get my bed and I'll take out the guest bed in the living room," he said to clarify. "I can wait until you're ready."  
  
She looked gratefully at him.  
  
"You've got an extra T-shirt for me to sleep in," she accepted the offer. Harm went to get one out from his drawer and Mac followed him.  
  
"It isn't that I don't want to at all. I just want to do this relationship the right way and be sure before. you know. Other times I, we didn't wait." she wanted to explain how she felt "don't take it personal."  
  
"You're the most important person in my whole life and I don't want to do anything to ruin this relationship either. We'll wait and when the time is right we'll both know," he answered her. He didn't need any explanations to see why she wanted to wait. He understood and respected it.  
  
"Goodnight, Harm," she said before he left the 'room'.  
  
"Goodnight, Sarah."  
  
TBC 


	23. Redecorating

AN: I guess this part is kind of boring too, but with what's to come I think you should appreciate it as long as it lasts. Thanks again Cria for beta-reading these parts.  
  
Redecorating  
  
March 9th 2003  
  
Harm was the first one to wake up. He was trying to be as quite as possible so he wouldn't wake her, he knew she needed all the sleep she could get. After a visit to his bathroom he stopped and just looked at her sleeping. He thought she must have sensed him watching her because her eyes suddenly fluttered open.  
  
"I didn't mean to wake you up," Harm apologized.  
  
"You didn't. Are you making breakfast?"  
  
"Hungry?" Harm smiled at her. She got up and followed him out to the kitchen. He started making toasts and Mac found some eggs to boil. All of a sudden Mac grabbed his hand and put it on her stomach. He could feel a small kick from the inside. Too astonished too say a word he just kept standing behind her. Mac hadn't been able to see how he reacted. Her insecurities about how he felt in this situation blossomed up. She released his hand and her head sunk.  
  
"I'm sorry about that. I just wanted to share that with someone. I don't really know how you feel about me being pregnant. You're always so good about it and I don't want to bother you with it more than I have to if it makes you uncomfortable," Mac was struck by another thought "Yesterday I just assumed you wanted to. I didn't think about that you'd might want to wait with intimacy like that until I'm not pregnant anymore." she would have continued to ramble if he hadn't stopped her.  
  
"Hey Mac," he moved over a bit and nudged her to turn around so she would face him. "You are so beautiful and being this close to you is such a wonderful thing. What we just experienced together was one of the most beautiful things I've ever been through. I feel so honored you wanted to share that with me," he bended over to give her a small kiss on her lips. "You must have misunderstood me yesterday. There are few things I want more than to. make love to you, but one of them is to have a long meaningful and loving relationship with you and if that means I have to wait, that's what I want to do, but you should know that we won't be waiting because I don't desire you," he bent over to kiss her again. "The pregnancy has really only made you more beautiful to me.  
  
Mac put her arms around him "I don't know what I did to deserve you," she whispered in his ear. She kept her arms around him and they stood like that until the baby was so out of patience and started kicking again.  
  
"You should be nicer to your mommy, you know," Harm kneeled down in front of Mac's belly and kissed it too.  
  
"Let's have breakfast," Mac said. The hunger was getting hard to ignore. They both continued to do what they had been doing before.  
  
"Was that the reason you didn't ask me to come with you yesterday to your Lamaze-class? You didn't think I wanted to be involved in your pregnancy and the baby," Harm asked her later.  
  
"It would be understandable if you didn't. I didn't want to put you in a position that you would be uncomfortable with."  
  
"You can ask me the next time," he smiled at her and she met the smile with an equally warm one. 'I don't know what I did to deserve this man?' she said to herself silently this time.  
  
Forty-five minutes later they had finished their long breakfast. Mac had told Harm about her plans to start redecorating the guestroom to a nursery the same day and he had offered to help.  
  
"So you're planning on painting it in a million different shades of pink since it's a girl?" Harm asked not quite seriously.  
  
"No, I'll make it marine-green," Mac talked back at him.  
  
"And what does Sturgis say about that?" Harm asked playfully. Mac liked the fact that they could now talk about Sturgis like this when they were joking with each other. It would probably help a lot in normalizing the relationships between all three of them.  
  
"It's my apartment," Mac stated.  
  
"But she's his daughter too. He won't mind you corrupting her."  
  
"For your benefit I'll just ignore that last comment. Besides I'm sure he'll only let her play with submarines, so it evens out," Mac took the last bite of her toast.  
  
They went over to her apartment and looked at the different color samples she had brought from the store yesterday. The room didn't really need to be redecorated; she just wanted to change the look of it so that she would think about it like the nursery and not just like the old guestroom.  
  
"You never told me what Chloe said when you told her about the baby."  
  
"She was quite shocked and then told me she thought I would have been smart enough to use protection," Mac answered him, but knew as soon as she had said it that this wasn't a conversation she should be having with Harm.  
  
"Oh, and how did you defend yourself," he couldn't really understand why he was asking her that, but maybe it was his unconscious mind that had wondered about this and saw its chance to find out. It wasn't really a question he wanted to hear the answer to, it wasn't something he wanted to think about at all frankly.  
  
"They aren't 100 %," Mac decided to answer him just to settle the issue once and for all. Now they were looking into each other's eyes and an uncomfortable silence was between them.  
  
"Chloe." Mac wanted to tell him about her upcoming visit.  
  
"This color." Harm said at the same time. They had both tried to break the silence and talk about something else.  
  
"You go first, Harm."  
  
"No, you do."  
  
"You go first."  
  
"No, you do."  
  
"You want to fight me," Mac dared him.  
  
"Always and never," he leaned in to kiss her.  
  
"What about this color?" she evaded the kiss and pointed at the color sample he was holding in his hand.  
  
"You're trying to trick me, but I won't fall for that one." he tried to kiss her again and succeeded this time. He went out to the kitchen and started to make lunch.  
  
"Really original evasion tactics, making food for a marine," Mac had followed him to the kitchen a few minutes later.  
  
"I decided on a color even without your help," she then said proudly.  
  
TBC 


	24. One of the Consequences of the Audit

One of the Consequences of the Audit  
  
March 20th 2003  
  
"Did you hear about the audit?" Mac asked Harm as he walked into her office. She motioned for him to close the door.  
  
"Yeah, the admiral told me about it," Harm answered her.  
  
"I was thinking, maybe we should tell him about our relationship now. What if the investigator somehow figures it out?"  
  
"Mhm. There's no need to risk that the admiral finds out from someone else and especially not public like that. It won't make him happy and who knows what he'll do then."  
  
"Besides we know what to tell him now too. That helps."  
  
"I'll talk to Tiner about seeing him sometime today," Harm finished the conversation and left her office.  
  
Later the same day Harm and Mac were leaving the office together. Their meeting with the admiral had been a bit tense, but they hoped it would all work out. He had seemed a little surprised about them dating, probably mostly because of Mac's current condition. He had been there right from when they first met and seen their attraction to each other. Back then and up to quite recently he had thought it was only a matter of time until something happened. Not that it was something he went around thinking about, but he had thought that after Mac got pregnant with Commander Turner's baby nothing was going to happen between the two of them any more.  
  
The timing, to figure this out right before the office is being audited, maybe wasn't the best, but the admiral still had to deal with it. There wasn't any regulations against them dating, but he decided to prevent them from working as opposing councilors of the same case or presiding over each other's cases just to make sure there would be no accusations of impropriety. That would have hurt both the office and their careers. Hopefully it would work out and neither one of them would have to transfer out of JAG HQ.  
  
Harm and Mac were happy about this arrangement, since they hoped that would keep them longer together at JAG. They drove together to Mac's place, where they both changed into some more comfortable cloths before going for a walk. Mac wanted to get some exercise and since they both wanted to spend as much time together as possible and couldn't always fit that into their schedules, they had decided to try to do as many of those must-do things together. After the walk they would have dinner and do some laundry and then Harm would spend the night on the guest bed. The bed was put up in the living room since the former guestroom was still in no condition to live in. They hadn't quite finished painting the walls yet even though they had started a whole week earlier.  
  
March 24th 2003  
  
"You seem to be working through all of the men that are working here. Is that specific to this office or do you do that everywhere you're assigned?" Lindsey asked Mac. He was working on the audit and was now interviewing her. Bud had said something about how awful it had been yesterday for him, but Mac hadn't realized how much of her past he would really draw up.  
  
"First you're engaged to one of your former colleagues, then you get pregnant with an other and start dating yet another and this was just in the last two years here at JAG," Lindsey continued to point out to her when she didn't answer him. She was tightly clutching the armrests of the chair she was sitting in and trying to concentrate all of her strength into staying calm and to not run out of the room.  
  
He continued to draw up the relationship with Colonel Farrow, the death of her husband and her alcoholism. At the end she couldn't control herself and when he had touched her she had informed him that if he did that again the consequences wouldn't be very pleasant for him. At last the interview was over.  
  
When Mac finally left the office at the end of the workday, she rushed home very angry and upset. She was supposed to meet Harm at his apartment, but she wasn't planning on going anymore. The people at JAG, all the officers and enlisted personnel, all knew about Harm and Mac dating now and with only a few exceptions they had stared at her throughout the whole day. It was worse then after they found out about her pregnancy, which most people had accepted or at least stopped gossiping about by now. She felt like everyone was looking at her and seeing a slut, just like Lindsey had pointed out. Someone who jumped between the beds of her colleagues, and in this case even worse, the beds of two best friends. She couldn't stand the stares of them. Why had she gotten involved with Harm and risked her reputation like that?  
  
Even though all of the things they were thinking weren't true. She hadn't slept with Harm. She still felt they were correct in their assumptions about her character. What would her daughter think of her when she was old enough to understand? How could she have thought that she would make a good mother? Not just because of her relationship with Harm, there were all of the other things she had done in her past. She wouldn't even make a good role model for her daughter.  
  
She didn't regret deciding to tell the admiral and everybody else about them. It had only been a matter of time until they had found out anyway. Harm was great and wonderful and she was so happy whenever she was with him, but had that been worth ruining their whole lives over. She had convinced him that this was a good idea to do now. Why hadn't she been able to wait? Now when he saw what everyone else was thinking about her, he would start thinking of her as a slut just like the rest of them and it would have all been for nothing. Mac collapsed on her bed still dressed and cried herself to sleep.  
  
Three hours later Harm had been standing outside her door for fifteen minutes knocking, but he still hadn't gotten an answer. He needed to talk to her and make sure she was OK. The worrying had started when she was late for dinner and had gotten even worse when Sturgis had called him and asked if he knew if Mac was OK. Sturgis had seen her walking out of the office very upset and been worried. Harm had decided right then to go over and see her. The spare key to her apartment was with him, not because he had considered entering her apartment without her permission. He had never used it before like that, but he since he had gotten there he felt that now was such a time where he should do that.  
  
He walked into the quite apartment and heard deep breaths coming from the sleeping room. As he entered the room and saw her lying there in her wrinkled uniform and face all messed up from crying, his heart broke. It hurt him so much to see that she had been hurting and crying and he hadn't been there with her. Now she seemed to be sleeping restfully, but before he could leave the room he sat down beside her and brushed the last remaining tears away with his hand. He couldn't leave her like that and let her wake up alone again. He managed to lie down beside her and wrap his arms around her without waking her up. Eventually he fell asleep as well and they slept through the night in each other's arms.  
  
March 25th 2003  
  
Harm woke up when he felt her stir in his arms.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked him confused.  
  
"I... I came here last night and you wouldn't open so I used my key and when I saw you I couldn't leave you alone. I'm sorry if I intruded on your privacy," his apology was sincere and he was preparing for a quick retreat in case she'd be mad at him.  
  
"It's OK," she said in a tone that didn't make him feel like she was either especially happy or angry with him for spending the night there.  
  
Mac got up from the bed and went over to her bathroom. Fifteen minutes later she emerged from the bathroom. Harm was standing in her kitchen making breakfast.  
  
"Are you still here?" Mac asked. She had hoped he would leave before she was finished with her shower, but she should have known he wouldn't leave. Harm nodded and gave her a plate with scrambled eggs.  
  
"Do you want to talk about last night? About why you were so upset?"  
  
"I wasn't upset," Mac quickly told him.  
  
"I could see you had been crying, Mac. Was it something Lindsey said?"  
  
"Hm," she just answered him.  
  
"If you don't want to talk about it, it's OK, but maybe you will feel better if you do."  
  
"No, it's all over now anyway. I was just a bit oversensitive, you know," she decided not to tell him why she had been so upset yesterday. It would just hurt him. She was calmed down now and thinking more clearly. She wouldn't let what the other people thought of her destroy her. She would just try to keep Harm at more distance so she wouldn't be so hurt when he left her. Because she was still sure he eventually would and she couldn't be angry with him for it either.  
  
Harm didn't believe that it was all over what had hurt her yesterday, but decided to let her have some time to deal with it the way she wanted to. He left to go home to his apartment and change before he went to work.  
  
March 27th 2003  
  
Lindsey stepped into Harm's office. Harm was still infuriated with Lindsey for whatever he had done that was hurting Mac, even though he still didn't know exactly what it was. Mac was still not back to herself and seemed distanced and cold when it came to Harm. At times she would be just like she had been before, like when he had told her about why the case with the Vietnamese refugees affected him so much, and then something would happen and she'd treat him like they hardly knew each other. He tried to stay patient with her, but it was hard when he didn't know why she was upset.  
  
He had promised himself not to show Lindsey how angry he was with him and try to stay calm throughout the interview. It wouldn't be easy, but for Mac's sake he would try. He didn't want to cause any more damage to her and their relationship than there already was and he also knew that if he caused a scene with Lindsey over her, she'd be really mad at him. Lately it seemed like all she wanted to do was to disappear through the ground whenever someone looked at her and more attention would probably only make it even worse.  
  
"I won't rehash incidents like you turning your hallowed halls of justice into a shooting gallery. Or the fact that you personally burned through a quarter of a billion dollars worth of flight equipment nine tenths of which was after you left flight status to become a lawyer," Lindsey started off. "I already have enough information about this office and its personnel. This office will be split up. You are too close here and you'll be reassigned. Sooner rather than later, you will be on the other side of the world from your girlfriend," Lindsey made a small pause again. He hadn't said girlfriend in the way that Harm and Mac had started to use the term, like the most wonderful endearment there was. Lindsey had said it in the most sarcastic voice he could.  
  
"I guess the only question left is how long it will take until she finds a new officer to keep her bed warm," Lindsey had gotten to speak without any interruption from Harm, but this was more than he could take.  
  
"If you ever talk about Mac like that again," it took all the restrain he could bring up to stop him from going after Lindsey physically with all of his rage.  
  
"You'll do what?" Lindsey was trying to provoke him.  
  
"I think it's time you leave now," Lindsey decided that now was indeed a good time to leave and did so. Harm guessed the reason why Mac was so upset. He thought Lindsey had implied something in that manner to her as well and she was feeling like it was true. That would explain why she had been so distanced to him lately.  
  
At least the audit was now over and Harm could go over to Mac's apartment and spend a nice evening with her alone. When they were alone, they would mostly get better along and she would be happier. He didn't think it would make a difference if he brought up Lindsey's comments and wasn't going to ask her again what was bothering her, he felt that all he could do was to try to show her how much he loved and respected her.  
  
TBC 


	25. A Visit

AN: I'm sorry this part is so short, but at least it's better than no part at all, right? I don't want to give out any spoilers for what's going to happen, so you will just have to wait and see. At least I hope I won't disappoint anyone too much... All the parts of this story have been written, they still need some work though, but I will try to post one part every day. Total number of parts will probably be 33.  
  
A Visit  
  
April 7th 2003  
  
"I'm meeting Sergei at Benzinger's tonight. Do you want to come with me?" Harm and Mac were in the break room fixing some tea and coffee.  
  
"No, I'm sure you want to see your brother alone," Mac answered a little upset he had asked her when they were in the office. Fortunately no one had heard him.  
  
"I thought it would be a great time to tell him about us and he's bringing his girlfriend too. I'm not sure how much English she speaks."  
  
"I'm sure Sergei can translate for you," Mac answered shortly.  
  
"But I'd still like it better if you came with me," Harm tried once again. He had thought she liked Sergei and wouldn't mind seeing him.  
  
"I have some things to do," Mac ended the conversation. Being introduced to Harm's family as his girlfriend definitely wasn't a part of her plan to distance herself from Harm.  
  
It was getting harder and harder for Harm to get to see Mac. It seemed to him like she still wasn't over Lindsey's comments and he hadn't brought it up with her either. All the time she was trying to stay busy with something else and wouldn't let him in to help her like she had before. One day she showed up at work with a new car and she hadn't asked him to come with her looking at it. The other night when he went over to her apartment she had finished paining the nursery and gotten most of the furniture in. When he asked her why she had done it all by herself when all the lifting might be dangerous for the baby, she had told him that Sturgis had helped her with all of the heavy lifts. Harm had hoped she would ask him for help and instead she had turned to Sturgis for help, which of course she had the right to do if she wanted to.  
  
Most distanced she was at the office and around her co-workers. Then she would put so much distance between them that there were rumors going on about them no longer being together. It had only gotten worse when Lindsey's report had been spread around the office for them to make rebuttals. Maybe it would get better once the audit was quite out of everybody's mind. At least they had been saved from splitting up the office and he was grateful for that. Sometimes it could be really good to have the SecNav's 'spy' in the office.  
  
TBC 


	26. The Last Date?

AN: Just a small warning. Today's Valentines Day, but this isn't a Valentines story... at all. You have been warned, ok? I don't think a lot of people will like me after reading it, but please try to be nice it's still Valentines Day, right?  
  
Part 26: The Last Date?  
  
April 19th 2003  
  
Mac was getting herself ready to be picked up by Harm. They were going as a couple to an office Easter celebration at Benzinger's. Mac had been against going together since all of the people from the office would be there, but Harm had somehow convinced her to go with him. Since everyone would be in civvies and try to talk about things outside of work, she was afraid it would be worse than anything she had been through at the office. She was very nervous and tense about it and hoped they wouldn't have to stay long.  
  
"Are you ready, Marine?" Harm said when she opened the door for him.  
  
"Sure," Mac got her jacket and followed Harm out to his car.  
  
They talked little on their way over. Harm was getting worried about her. She seemed so closed to the world, like she was trying to protect herself from it. He had hoped that them going together would help her get over her insecurities about what other people said about her, but now he kind of regretted talking her into this. It was however too late to back out of it now.  
  
When they entered the bar only a few people from JAG were there. It was still very early. Harriet and Bud sat at a table and Harm and Mac joined them there. When they had gotten out of the car Harm had taken Mac's hand, but she had released it as soon as they had entered the bar. When they sat down at the table Mac mad a point of not sitting so close to Harm that they were touching.  
  
Mac felt a little less uncomfortable sitting there together with Bud and Harriet. Especially Harriet still treated her the same way she always had. Harriet had been happy for them when she found out about their relationship. Bud had accepted it after having a conversation with Harm. He had noticed how Bud acted differently around Mac and him lately.  
  
Bud's behavior had turned out to have less to do with Mac and more with the whole relationship. Bud wasn't sure the relationship would last very long and he felt that Harm would be the one suffering the most when it ended. Mac was in a very different situation than she was normally and he was worried about Mac only taking Harm's support while she was pregnant and once the baby was there they wouldn't be able to sort out their differences and the relationship between them would be back to normal. Harm had been quite shocked by hearing Bud's worries, but said that if Bud had any respect for either one of them, he wouldn't show those feelings to Mac. It turned out that Bud had been very capable of doing that, even though the way Mac had been treating Harm lately hadn't convinced him that he wasn't right.  
  
Benzinger's was getting more and more crowded with military personnel. Mac had to leave the table to go to the bathroom and when she returned, Harm and Bud had left the seats and stood at the bar discussing something with Mattoni. At the table, Harriet had gotten company from four of the other women at the office. They were talking and giggling about something. Mac didn't know where to go, join Harm or go back to her table and Harriet. She remained standing in the middle of the bar until Harriet waved at her to come and join her.  
  
The conversation, which had been lively, was silenced when Mac sat down beside Harriet. Harriet tried her best to get it back going, by telling them all about the latest adventure of Little AJ. It was all in vain and the rest of the women were still not talking very much. Two of them started looking like they wanted to get up from the table and then Mac decided to leave before they did. She went over to Harm.  
  
"I'm calling a cab. I just wanted you to know that I'm not riding with you home."  
  
"You want to go home already?" Harm asked, but he wasn't surprised. He had kind of expected this to happen.  
  
"I'm..." she couldn't come up with a good excuse for why so she ended up nodding and then turned around to leave.  
  
"I'll drive you home, Mac," he followed her and took her hand in his. Mac was reluctant, but his grip was so firm, that she was scared she would draw more attention to them if she tried to get out of it so they stayed that way until they got to the car.  
  
"Mac, what is the real problem? Why are you acting like this?" Harm asked once they were in the car. He didn't start it since he intended to finish this conversation before driving off.  
  
"Didn't you see how those people looked at me? What they were thinking about me? About us? How can you not see that?" Mac finally said.  
  
"So what if they do? I don't think that about you, isn't that more important?" Harm was scared. She looked so vulnerable and hurt. He knew there was a certain truth about what she had said. He had seen how the women had looked at her and those looks hadn't been nice and he had also experienced how sometimes conversations would stop when he entered the room. But those women and men that were gossiping about them weren't her real friends. Her real friends at the office, Bud, Harriet, Coates, the admiral and Tiner, hadn't looked at her any differently than before. Those people should be more important to her than the rest of them.  
  
"Maybe we should end this. I will just drag you with me down or you'll leave me before," Mac said to him and tried desperately to end the conversation before she couldn't control her tears anymore.  
  
"If you go down, I want to go down with you, Mac," Harm wasn't sure how serious she was about this. It sounded like something she had given a lot of thought to, but he still hoped it was just an impulse and she wouldn't mean it anymore once she was calmer again.  
  
"I don't want to leave you alone right now, but I think that you might need to think some things through. I still want to be with you, but I can't if you continue to push me away." He started the engine and drove her to her apartment. They remained silent for the rest of the trip. When he stopped the car Mac got out of the car and went up to her apartment still without saying anything more to him. Harm stayed around until he saw the lights being turned out in her apartment. He hoped she would get some sleep and call him the next day.  
  
TBC 


	27. More Complications

More Complications  
  
April 23rd 2003  
  
Mac never called him and when she showed up to work yesterday she had been very distanced to him and he wasn't sure if she was just ignoring the conversation they had had last time they saw each other or if she was ignoring their whole relationship. Harm had been out on an investigation most of the day and hadn't seen her long enough to start a conversation where he could find out. He had decided not to push her more by going over to her apartment the same evening and instead spent it alone wondering why everything had turned out so badly.  
  
Today they had all been called into the conference room and the JAG-staff was gathering there now waiting for the meeting to start. He tried to make eye contact with Mac, but she turned her eyes away from him. Mac had seen how much her behavior lately had hurt Harm, but she still thought it might be for the best in the long run.  
  
Even though they had been prepared by already being told that a Navy JAG lieutenant had been found dead, they were still shocked to learn that Lieutenant Singer was dead. Not many had liked her and being in the military meant living with the risk of losing your colleagues to death. Still a devastated air filled the room. The NCIS-investigators of course wanted to question them all.  
  
For Mac and Harriet it got very personal, since they were both pregnant, just like Singer had been and their thoughts went out to the innocent unborn baby, who had been killed together with her mother.  
  
Harm had reacted very aggressively and defensively to the news of Singer's death. Mac suspected that it was because of what he knew about who might be the father of the baby and it made her suspect that that person was closer to him than she had thought before.  
  
April 25th 2003  
  
Mac didn't know what to do. She had never been as miserable as she was this moment. She had just found out that Harm had been arrested for Singer's murder. She was standing in the middle of her office and could barely hear all of the loud voices out in the bullpen even though the door to her office was open. Her whole world was spinning around and falling apart and all she could do was stand there.  
  
Her first reaction when she found out about Harm's own investigation to who the father was had been anger, but she had tried to hide her anger from the NCIS-investigators so they wouldn't try to use that against Harm. She had understood that they were looking at him as a suspect, but hadn't thought it would possibly go so far as to him being arrested. She knew that he was innocent, now she could only hope that they would find something that proved he was.  
  
One second she was standing there and the next she was bent over in pain. She was forced to let out a cry and Bud and Sturgis who had been standing outside her office came in when they saw her sinking together on the floor.  
  
"Mac, how are you? What's going on?" Sturgis asked her worriedly.  
  
"Ma'am, is there something wrong with the baby?"  
  
"I... I don't know" Mac  
  
"Call for an ambulance now, Bud," Sturgis ordered and Bud wasn't slow to follow.  
  
Within twenty minutes Mac was in the hospital being examined by a doctor and several nurses. Her pains were now mainly in her back and she was getting more and more anxious and upset.  
  
"Ms. Mackenzie, you have to try to be calm," the doctor said and put a hand on her shoulder to calm her down "You've gone into labor," he paused again to let it sink in "The good news is that the baby seems to still be doing quite fine."  
  
"It's too early to have the baby now," Mac said. 'This isn't happening' was all she could think. All of her thoughts were concentrated on the well being of her baby.  
  
"It is early, but the baby would still have a big chance even if she was born today. However we are going to give you an infusion that will stop the labor pains and hopefully we will be able to postpone the birth for a couple of days or hopefully weeks. Every day counts and increases the chances of no affects from a premature birth," the doctor explained to her. "This means that you'll have to stay in bed for the remaining of this pregnancy."  
  
Mac would have done anything for the baby and lying down was not going to be a problem for her. The doctor informed Sturgis, who had come to the hospital and had been waiting outside in the corridor, of her condition and told him to keep her from getting upset, since that might cause her to go into labor again or make the baby sick so she would have to be delivered right away. Sturgis called Bud and told him to tell the people at the office about what had happened, but that Mac and the baby were OK for now. Sturgis made the decision that Mac would be kept from all of the developments surrounding Harm's case. If she asked about it all of them would just say that the prosecution didn't have any evidence and Harm would soon be released.  
  
TBC 


	28. A Trial and a New Life

Part 28: A Trial and a New Life  
  
May 6th 2003  
  
Harm was sitting impatiently waiting for the trial to begin. He could still not believe that he was sitting here. He had never felt as alone as this before. None of his friends from JAG had called during his time in the brig and he had only seen Bud outside of the courtroom before the proceedings started. Where he stood with Mac had been very uncertain when he had been arrested, but he had still thought that she would maybe call him or send some sort of greeting to him in the brig. But none of it had happened. If Mac wasn't here it either meant that she was a witness for the prosecution or that she simply didn't care about what happened to him in this trial. He didn't know what was worse.  
  
When the court was in recess for the day, Bud came up to him before he was taken back to the brig.  
  
"We believe in you," Bud just said.  
  
"Thank you Bud, but I don't think you're speaking for all of you right now," Harm said. He knew he shouldn't take his disappointment with the rest of his friends out on the one who had showed up, but it was still hard not to. "Do you know where Mac is?" he asked so he would know why she hadn't been there.  
  
"Mac is at the hospital," Bud answered him a bit surprised that Harm didn't know about that.  
  
"What? Why" the anger Harm had felt was replaced by concern in a second.  
  
"She went into labor the same day you were arrested and they have been trying to postpone the birth for as long as they can," the guards that were taking Harm back to the brig came up and wanted take him with them and leave.  
  
Harm was still full of questions and Bud's heart went out to him when he saw how concerned he was for her. Whatever he had thought about the nature of their relationship, Bud realized that this was the true thing and neither Harm nor Mac could have stopped this from eventually happening. Right now they deserved all the support they could get to make it better again.  
  
May 7th 2003  
  
The room rapidly being filled with people woke Mac up. It was in the middle of the night she realized. The rhythm of the now so well known beeping of the machines that were monitoring her baby had changed.  
  
"The baby isn't doing very well, so we will have to deliver her now. Do you think you'll be able to do that, Mac?" Doctor Petersen asked her.  
  
During her soon to be two weeks stay she had gotten to know all of the nurses and doctors who worked at the ward she was in and they all called her Mac. Sturgis and she had also been told what would happen to the baby once she was born. There had been no question about her being born early only how early. Sturgis had been able to look at the room where took care of all of the premature babies. The truth was that the doctors had not thought that the birth would be postponed for as long as it had been. Now the baby would have a much better chance of surviving.  
  
The doctor had warned Mac from getting upset and so far she had managed to keep reasonably calm. She had tried to put all thoughts of Harm out of her mind and to just focus on the baby. So far she had actually succeeded quite well with that. She hadn't dared asking about the trial and no one had really told her about it, but she had figured out that it had started yesterday. It wasn't that she didn't care what happened to Harm, she had just recognized that at the moment there was nothing she could do for him and if she got herself upset over him and something happened to the baby, he would probably feel guilty about it.  
  
Mac was rolled into the delivery room and was given another infusion that would put her into labor again. She had been told that they would try to have a normal delivery and not a c-section since that would test the baby's strength right away. It had been set up so that Sturgis would stay with Mac until the baby was born and then try to go with the baby as much as possible. It was still unknown how developed her lungs were and how much medical treatment she would need.  
  
One and a half hour later the baby was born. She was doing better than expected, but the doctors still took her immediately to the ward for premature babies, where she could be properly monitored. Mac didn't even get a chance to see her before they took her away. She was very worried about her and desperately wanted to get some news about her, but the exhaustion took over and she fell asleep.  
  
Mac woke up later and realized she had slept for a couple of hours.  
  
"Are you awake now?" Sturgis, who sat on the chair beside her bed, asked.  
  
"Why are you here? Why aren't you with the baby?" Mac asked accusingly. Then the thought hit her what if something had happened and he couldn't be with her.  
  
"She's OK, I promise you. The nurses will come and get me if something happens. I just wanted to show you something," he put some Polaroid pictures of their daughter on the cover in front of Mac. She looked amazed at them one by one.  
  
"She's so beautiful. I wish I could go and see her for real, but thank you so much for this," she looked at Sturgis and they saw the absolute joy and love for their little baby girl mirrored in each other's eyes.  
  
"Harriet will be here in a few minutes. I called and told them about the birth, Bud had to go into the office, but he said he would tell the rest of them and come by later today. I hope that was OK."  
  
"Sure," as she said that, there was a knock on the door and Harriet came in.  
  
"Congratulations you two," Harriet said. She had brought roses that she put on the nightstand and was also carrying a pink little teddy bear. "This is for the baby from Little AJ."  
  
"The baby is still upstairs," Sturgis explained to her. "I'll go up and see how she's doing now. Would you please thank AJ from us."  
  
"I will do that, sir," Harriet answered and Sturgis took it to place it by the little girl's bed. The pink teddy bear would share that place with many other teddy bears.  
  
"How are you doing?" Harriet asked Mac once Sturgis was out of the room.  
  
"It's better now, but I'm still worried about her," Mac answered her.  
  
"Is that her?" Harriet pointed at the pictures that still lay in front of Mac.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"How wonderful. Have you come up with a name?"  
  
"We decided on Elena Mackenzie Turner, not long after we found out she was a girl, but decided to keep it to out selves until she was born," Mac answered the love she felt for her daughter was impossible to miss.  
  
The same time at Harm's trial, Bud got a little written message to him. It read; 'The baby was born this morning. They are both doing fine. Hope you can see for yourself soon.' And that was exactly what Harm was hoping for too.  
  
TBC  
  
AN: I got two questions for the last chapter that I had the answers to in my mind, but realized weren't that clear in the story so I added some to this part. First of all, no at that point you wouldn't know if she had asked since Sturgis was thinking hypothetically if Mac asks, he will answer... and second of all yes Mac is very intelligent and would of course understand that they weren't telling her the whole truth about Harm, but (I hope this was made clear in this part) she wouldn't want to think and/or worry about him and therefore accept those lies willingly (She believes in them because she wants to, but deep down she knows what they aren't telling her the whole story). I'm not sure if I've expressed that understandably and if not you'll have to ask again. I appreciate it very much when people ask about things that are unclear, since it gives me a chance to make the story better. Thanks you Cria for beta-reading. 


	29. Lost

AN: The new part is finally here much thanks to Cria and Dor who beta-read this and the coming two parts. Enjoy!  
  
Lost  
  
May 8th 2003  
  
Mac was walking through the corridor towards the room where her daughter was kept. Elena was still in an incubator, but the doctors had said that she would probably be able to be taken out of it soon. It had been two life- altering days for both Mac and Sturgis. As soon as Mac was allowed out of bed she had gone to see her daughter and nothing she had ever felt before had prepared her for her emotions at the sight of Elena. To be able to love another human being like that was totally incomprehensible.  
  
She was getting daily reports from Bud regarding Harm's trial. She hadn't tried to call him or send him any sort of message yet though. It was just too hard at the moment. She wouldn't know what to tell him. To say that things hadn't ended well between them was an understatement; she had practically broken up with him. Part of her was still devastated about Harm's arrest and part of her just wanted to ignore that and enjoy these first days with her daughter.  
  
Mac opened the door and went over to Elena's incubator only to find it empty. She looked around to find the nurse and ask where she was, but she couldn't find one anywhere in the room and it worried her since she had been told that there should always be one there.  
  
She went back to the door to see if there was anybody she could ask in the corridor and that was when she saw one of the nurses, Mac couldn't remember her name right in that moment, lying beside the door in a pool of blood. Mac pressed the alarm button beside the door and bent down to take the nurse's pulse, but she couldn't find any. Soon the room was filling up with nurses and doctors, all responding to the alarm. They all went for the nurse and Mac had to grab one of the doctors at the arm to get him to listen to her.  
  
"My baby isn't here. I don't know where she is," she now screamed at him in absolute fear. She was no longer worried about the nurse at all and only thought about her baby. The doctor realized he had to get the worried mother out of there.  
  
"What is the name of your baby?" he said and walked with her over to the chart where you could see where all of the babies were if they were signed out of this ward. He was sure that once she realized that her baby wasn't supposed to be here she would calm down.  
  
"Elena," Mac searched the chart and saw that Elena hadn't been signed out of the room. The doctor turned to her a lot more worried than he had been before. At this moment security also showed up in the already too crowded room. All of the babies were screaming and it was getting impossible to get some order into what was happening. One of the security people took command and saw to that the injured or possibly dead nurse was taken out of there and only so may people that were needed to take care of the children stayed. The rest of them went out to the corridor and some back to their duty stations.  
  
The doctor who had been talking to Mac got hold of one of the security people and told them there might be a baby missing.  
  
"Are you sure?" Mac nodded. 'Couldn't these *** people just start looking for her baby instead of standing there discussing it?'  
  
"We'll send out a message over the hospital and hopefully your daughter will show up. Twenty minutes ago we discovered that one of the patients wasn't who he had said he was. There's a warrant out for this man, a Mustafa Fahd because of some suspected involvement with terrorist organizations. Before the police could arrest him he fled and we still haven't found him. Personally I'm suspecting he's behind injuring that nurse, that was found in there."  
  
"What if he has taken my baby?"  
  
"I'm sure we will find her somewhere around her. Someone probably just forgot to sign her out for an examination or something," he was still talking very calmly to her and Mac was getting more and more upset. She had a deep feeling there was something wrong. The security person went to send out a message on the hospital loudspeakers to find Elena.  
  
When Sturgis got to the hospital for his lunch break that day. There were a large number of police cars parked in front of it and all of the people going in and out were thoroughly checked for identity. No one who didn't have important things to do in the hospital was let in.  
  
Sturgis showed his identity card to the police officer and explained his business. As soon as the police officer saw his name, Sturgis was taken into the hospital and a conference room where there were a lot of people including Mac. Mac jumped out of the chair where she had been sitting and threw her arms around Sturgis.  
  
"Someone has taken Elena." The horrible statement caused Sturgis world to spin around. He couldn't understand what was happening.  
  
One of the police officers started to explain what had happened to him. The hospital had now been searched thoroughly and neither Elena nor the suspected terrorist had been found. Everyone now believed he had taken Elena with him as a shield against the police. The terrorist had counted on them not firing at him when he had an innocent baby in front of him. So far his escape had been a success and he hadn't really needed Elena at all. He had possibly been spotted by one of the receptionist, but so far he hadn't encountered any police. The search for both of them was of highest priority.  
  
The concerns weren't just for what the kidnapper might do to her. The doctors couldn't make any promises on Elena's chance of surviving without medical treatment and that might be the biggest threat to her right now. They did say she had a chance, even though it was very little, and everybody was at this time working on the assumption that she was still alive.  
  
Back at JAG HQ Harm was relieved when he was acquitted of all the charges, since the real murderer, Commander Lindsey, had confessed. He thanked his lawyer and turned around to see who was there, that he could share his happiness with. None of his friends, not even Bud, was there. He was finally a free man again and he decided to go to the bullpen and see if anybody might be there.  
  
In the bullpen almost all of the people were gone. He found Tiner at the desk outside the admiral's office. Tiner glanced at him and returned to the work lying on his desk.  
  
"Where is everyone?" Harm asked. He was a bit disappointed in the reactions to his release  
  
"Everyone who didn't have to stay here has gone to the hospital, sir. I had to stay here until we close down for today," Tiner didn't look up at Harm when he answered him and didn't seem affected at all by the fact that he was freed of all charges. The baby was of course important and he understood that everyone was happy and wanted to share that joy with Mac and Sturgis, but for everybody to ignore him and all that had happened to him lately. It still felt quite devastating to him.  
  
"Oh," Harm said and turned around to go home. 'There apparently isn't place for me in anybody's life anymore.'  
  
He took a cab home since his car was still in custody of the NCIS and hadn't been returned to him yet. Well at home he turned on his television to watch the news and see what had happened in the world the last two weeks when he had been in the brig. The first story to come up was about a little baby girl, who had been kidnapped from the hospital. The identity of the parents wasn't disclosed in the story, but Harm still somehow knew that it was Mac's baby who had been kidnapped. Suddenly it made sense why everybody was at the hospital. He felt so guilty about feeling so sorry for himself that he hadn't thought about it logically. They were there to support Mac and Sturgis and help with the search not to visit with them. How could he have been so stupid and make all about himself. He went for the phone to call another cab and get to the hospital as fast as possible.  
  
At the hospital the people involved in the investigation and search for Elena were starting to leave and relocate to the police station instead. Some of the people from JAG were going to go home to their families and some were going to continue to stay with Mac and Sturgis. It had been determined that Elena had only been a random victim of the terrorist and who Mac and Sturgis were hadn't influenced him taking her. He probably didn't even know that they were in the military and the decision had been made to not go public with that fact. The police were worried about how it would affect his treatment of Elena, so their identities would stay a secret.  
  
At the hospital he found the conference room where Mac, Sturgis and the rest of them had gathered. Mac was sitting on a chair tears still coming down her cheeks. Harm had never seen anybody so miserable in his whole life before. He wanted to go to her and put his arms around her to try to comfort. Mac had noticed him and said something to Harriet. Harriet got up and went over to him.  
  
"Sir, I don't think she can deal with you right now," she said.  
  
"I just want to help her," Harm started to get a bit anxious.  
  
"We are happy that you were released, but right now the most important thing is to find Elena and Mac is under a lot of pressure now and doesn't need any more added to that. I understand that you want to support her, but she doesn't want to see you right now. You need to respect that, "Harriet wished that she could have let Harm see her, but she also knew she had to respect Mac's wishes. There was so little they could control in this situation that it didn't seem fair not to respect Mac's wishes when they could.  
  
Harm was devastated. There was nothing he could do about it. Not a single thing. He turned around and left the hospital to go home to his apartment.  
  
TBC 


	30. Going After Elena

AN: Thanks to Cria, Dor and TZ for beta reading and also to everyone who reviewed.  
  
Going After Elena  
  
May 11th 2003  
  
It had been three days since Elena had been taken from the hospital and they were no closer to finding her now than they had been then. Harm hadn't seen Mac or Sturgis since, but had been kept up to date by Harriet and Bud. He had been so close to going over to Mac's place so many times during the last three days, but he had stopped himself thinking that until she reached out for him, there was nothing he could do for her.  
  
He was sitting alone in his apartment with his guitar. He wasn't playing anything special just tried to keep himself occupied with something. There was a knock on the door and he went to open it. He was surprised to see Mac standing outside of it. She looked very different from the last time he had seen her. Her eyes were no longer swollen from crying and her facial appearance was almost cold. The determination not to let any emotions through was displayed in her eyes.  
  
"How are you doing, Harm? I'm sorry I wasn't in touch with you since they let you go or before that," Mac was acting like it was just a very normal conversation they were having.  
  
"I am fine. Mac, how are YOU doing? Is there any news?" Harm was seriously worried about how she was handling this situation.  
  
Mac took off her coat and he saw that she still looked like she was pregnant.  
  
"I thought..." he put his hand to her belly and didn't feel the warm body he was used to, but instead something very artificial.  
  
"I'm going away on a mission. This is my cover."  
  
"Now? You're going away on a mission now," Harm was trying to process it all but couldn't think of a logical explanation for this.  
  
"Webb is working on an investigation of the brother of the one who took Elena. He suspects that the kidnapper is hiding at his brother's and maybe Elena is still with him. I'm going with Webb to Paraguay tonight."  
  
"Why the pregnancy cover?"  
  
"Webb had already told them his wife was pregnant and besides it will cover up the fact that I'm still not quite back to normal physically."  
  
"It sounds very risky and far too farfetched to be worth doing," Harm didn't like the sound of this at all.  
  
"There is no price to great to pay to get my daughter back. No one else understands this, but I thought you would," Mac told him. Her voice was almost accusing, but Harm could also hear the desperation she was trying to hide. You went looking for your father in Russia. It was risky and farfetched, but you still did it. I have a feeling she's there and I need to know for sure."  
  
"I understand, but still... I don't want you to go, Mac," Harm pleaded with her.  
  
"You have no say in this Harm," Mac looked at him harshly, but then her facial features softened. "I'm coming back you know," 'but I won't come back alone' she continued in a silent promise to herself. She went out through the door and Harm remained standing looking at her retreating form until the door was shut closed.  
  
TBC 


	31. Grieving Prematurely?

Grieving Prematurely?  
  
May 19th 2003  
  
Harriet was standing in the bullpen looking into Sturgis's office. It was his first day back to work, since Elena had been taken. She was worried about him. He seemed like he had given up all hope of her ever returning, he was grieving the loss of his daughter. She had been through it herself, but in her case she had known for sure her daughter wasn't coming back. There was still hope for Elena and Harriet was upset with him for giving up so soon, but at the same time she felt sorry for him.  
  
"Harriet, there's nothing you can do for him," Bud nudged Harriet out of her own world of thinking.  
  
Bud was worried about Harriet and how this was affecting her. Three women in the office had been pregnant. One had just been buried together with her unborn baby, one was off somewhere chasing a man who had kidnapped her two days old daughter and he was scared something was going to happen to their baby as well. There had been a lot of omens for that. Regardless of how horrible what had happened to little Elena was, he didn't want Harriet to get more involved in it than possibly, so she wouldn't be upset and endanger their baby too.  
  
Harriet was slowly going crazy with Bud watching over her all the time and she couldn't stay away from helping Sturgis. But regardless how annoying Bud could be, she was also glad she had someone who was always on her side and she could always turn to when she needed to talk. That was more than what a lot of the people in this office had.  
  
"I know, but still..."  
  
Harriet's tries to show her support for Sturgis hadn't been very successful yet, he was just shutting everyone out. Mac had done that too, but at least she still had some hope and seemed to be doing something about finding her. She hadn't just given up like Sturgis had. Sturgis had been snapping at everybody the whole morning and Harriet was not sure if Sturgis coming back to work was really going to be good for the workload or just make it harder to bear. Not that that was the biggest problem at the moment.  
  
Mac's friends had all been worried about Mac when they had learned that she was away somewhere. Only a few knew where she was, but rumors that wasn't too far off the truth were spreading around the office. They all thought she had gone to find Elena herself somehow. Why else would she have gone away so soon after it had happened when they still had no news? The admiral, who did know the whole reason why she was away, had wanted to stop her from going, but hadn't been able to since she was technically still on maternity leave. No one thought it was a very wise thing for her to be going after Elena herself and that she should have let it off to someone who could do it with less personal emotions involved and maybe with a better result. Either way now she was gone and they all wished she would succeed in bringing the baby and herself safe home.  
  
TBC 


	32. Found, But Not Safe

Part 32: Found, But Not Safe  
  
May 22nd 2003  
  
Mac was slowly waking up from her unconscious state. The last thing she remembered was that they had been trying to fight the brother of Mustafa, Sadiq Fahd, and his men and failed. She realized that they must have been captured. She sat up in one second, when she realized what had woken her up. Somewhere in this room was a little baby crying. She got up to go and look for the baby. More and more she became certain that this was her Elena crying. She found a wood box standing on a table and inside lay her baby girl. Mac wanted to pick her up, but she realized that if she did, she would never be able to let her go again.  
  
A woman Mac had never seen before, came up to the 'crib' and lifted up the little girl.  
  
"She's beautiful, isn't she?" she said.  
  
"Yeah," Mac got herself together so she wouldn't blow her cover. She wouldn't let the people that were holding them know that she was the baby's mother, since they might try to hurt Elena then to get to them.  
  
"She isn't mine, you see. They just showed up with her here one day and my husband and I are taking care of her. She is so little and fragile though, I didn't think she would survive the first night, but now she's just getting stronger."  
  
The woman looked like the proud mother and Mac was struck with jealousy and anger. This woman had gotten to see and take care of her daughter the bigger part of her young life. It just wasn't fair. Mac realized those kind of thoughts wouldn't help Elena and instead started to think about a plan to get out of there, but there just didn't seem to be any way she could. She saw that it was just Webb, who was there with her and hoped that Gunny would be able to get help for them. If he was still alive that was.  
  
May 23rd 2003  
  
Webb had just been returned from being tortured. He was looking awful and Mac wondered how much of this he would be able to take. He was lying on the bed and she was sitting beside him.  
  
"I'm sorry about all of this, Mac."  
  
"We found her and we will get out of here. They don't seem to know where Gunny is, so there's a big chance that he got out of here safe and can get help for us," Mac tried to reassure him.  
  
"Who will come then?"  
  
"You don't think the company will want to help get us out of here?"  
  
"Mac, I didn't tell you the whole truth about this mission. We're kind of doing this on our own. They didn't want to execute the original mission against Sadiq yet and rescuing Elena apparently wasn't worth moving up the time-table for. I just didn't want to worry you more than necessary and I was pretty sure you would have gone anyway."  
  
"Yes, I would have, but why would you risk your life for my child."  
  
"You're one of the best friends I have. I could help you so I had to, I couldn't have lived with myself otherwise," Mac stroke his cheek at that admission.  
  
"Thank you, Clay. No matter what happens I'm so grateful you helped me. This way at least I will know what happened to her and I was allowed to try to save her. But I still don't think we should give up hope yet. There's still a chance for all three of us to get out of here alive," Mac repeated those words silently to herself. 'There's still a chance for all three of us to get out of here alive' that was all she had left to hold on to.  
  
TBC 


	33. Rescue On Its Way

AN: so we're nearing the end of this 'season'. Many thanks to Cria and TZ for betaing.  
  
Rescue On Its Way  
  
May 24th 2003  
  
Harm was finally getting on the plane to go to Paraguay. He had been surprised when the admiral hadn't let him go, but he hadn't even asked for a reason why not. It didn't matter right now because the most important thing was that he was going to Paraguay to find Mac. Regardless how this trip went he didn't regret going after Mac. She had said there was no price not worth paying for her daughter and Harm felt the same way about Mac. No price was too great.  
  
At the moment he didn't feel any resentment towards the admiral for not letting him go, maybe that would come later on.  
  
Bud was the only one who knew that Harm was going away. Harm had decided to tell him all about it since, he had helped him and Catherine Gale with the 'wedding ceremony'. Even though Catherine had later told him that if she had known what it was about she would have helped him regardless, he didn't regret 'marrying' her. If nothing else came out of this mission to find Mac, at least he had helped a dying woman. It was a small comforting thought.  
  
He didn't really have a plan yet for what he was going to do once he was in Paraguay, but he hoped that it would somehow work out when he got there.  
  
At the same time at the compound, Mac was sitting on the bed with her daughter in her arms. So far they didn't suspect that she had any connection to Elena, but it had gotten harder and harder for Mac not to show how concerned she was for her well-being. It might have been believable that a pregnant woman was concerned about the baby, but Mac realized that once she let down that wall she wouldn't be able to hide exactly how much Elena meant to her. Mrs Robinson called her Sarah, which was kind of ironic in a way.  
  
Mrs Robinson seemed to have taken care of her as well as she possibly could and because of that it was hard for Mac not to feel any gratefulness for her. What she had just done however was horrible. She had some how figured out that Mac wasn't pregnant and told Sadiq, who had proven it by sticking a knife into her pregnancy suit. A couple of hours later they had come and gotten the Robinson's out of the room where they were being held. Mac was left to take care of Elena herself now, which worried her a lot.  
  
Harm still didn't have a plan for what to do when he landed in Paraguay, but he was lucky and Gunny found him. Together they had a better chance to rescue Mac and Webb from Sadiq.  
  
Webb had only been awake for a short amount of time and then fallen back to sleep. Mac hadn't been able to sleep at all. She had fed Elena and than watched her fall asleep in her arms. It was a beautiful thing to see. She was however worried about her condition. She wasn't at all growing and getting stronger like Mrs Robinson had said, instead she had hardly grown at all. Mac wasn't sure what that formula that they were feeding her was, but it didn't seem like it was helping her much. It was better than anything else they had though, so she had to keep giving it to her.  
  
Suddenly Sadiq and some of his men burst in through the door. Webb and Elena both woke up and Mac started to rock Elena so she would fall asleep again.  
  
"Things have changed. I will leave it up to you. I will take one or the other, you can choose," Sadiq said.  
  
"Sarah," Webb got out. He wanted to make sure she wouldn't go.  
  
Mac could hardly hear how Sadiq talked about how the name on her passport was Jane and what was going to happen to the one who went with him. She wasn't going to let him take Webb again. He was already in such a bad shape that she wasn't sure he would survive another round of torture and if he was tortured she no longer trusted him to be able to keep their secrets. This was something she needed to do for her daughter and she knew that she could. She didn't care about Webb saying that he would go, she was going.  
  
Two of Sadiq's men grabbed her as soon as she had put the baby back in her 'crib' and dragged her out of there.  
  
TBC 


	34. Time To Leave

AN: Extensive author's notes at the end.  
  
Time To Leave  
  
Mac had been rigidly fixed to the table when she heard shots coming from the outside. She didn't dare hoping that it was someone who had come to rescue them, but the thought did cross her mind. A few minutes later Harm showed up at the door. His facial expression was hard to read. He didn't seem happy or relieved to find her. He only stopped for a while and than he went to free her from the table.  
  
"Elena is in the basement with Webb," Mac said. Rescue had come and now she had to make sure her daughter was taken out of here.  
  
"You found her," it was a statement that lacked any surprise you would have assumed that Harm was feeling about this fact.  
  
"Yeah," Mac picked up the gun her former guard had had and they went out to go over to help Gunny get both Webb and Elena out. Mac who knew in what condition Webb was in and that one person couldn't get them both out of there.  
  
Twenty minutes later Webb was sitting on the passenger seat of the red jeep Gunny and Harm had driven into the compound. Harm and Gunny were trying to fix change the tire and Mac was feeding Elena standing beside Webb. They had decided that Gunny was going to drive Webb and Elena to the hospital and Mac and Harm would go and try to destroy the stinger-missiles. Mac didn't really want to leave Elena now when she had finally had her in her arms, but she also knew this was the best way to go. She and Harm would have a better chance of accomplish the mission together and Elena and Webb needed to get to hospital as soon as possible, which Gunny was more capable of doing than she was since he knew the way there.  
  
During the rescue they hadn't found the man who had kidnapped Elena in the first place and they suspected that he had left Paraguay, even before Mac and Webb had gotten there. To Mac it didn't matter anymore anyway, she just wanted to get home as soon as possible.  
  
Mac saw that they seemed to be close to finished with the tire and gave Elena, who had now both finished eating and been burped, to him to hold.  
  
"I hope you realize that regardless of what you went through the last couple of days for us, if anything happens to her on your watch you'll wish to be in this state again, do you understand me?"  
  
"Yes, ma'am," Webb got out and held on a little tighter to the baby. Mac leaned forward and kissed Elena's head and looked into Webb's eyes so he would see how much trust she had put in him. She took his hand and squeezed it before letting go and turn around to face Harm.  
  
They had gotten to a small hangar beside a rather large farm. Mac had kept her pregnancy suit on her and they now used it to try to get one of the planes.  
  
"Mein Baby kommt zu früh. Mein Mann muss mir su einem Krankenhaus fliegen. Können wir Ihr Flugzeug mieten?"Mac was leaning over in pain to try to persuade him to let them take his plane. First he said he had to dust his crops, but finally he consented.  
  
"Ich werde Sie selber hinfliegen."  
  
"Nein. Er ist Pilot der kann das machen wenn wir nur Ihr Flugzeug nehemen dürfen,"Mac had to make him let them leave alone with the plane. The man suddenly went over to speaking English and they discussed a price for the rental.  
  
At last they were getting ready to fly. Harm had started the engine and Mac felt her fear of flying coming back.  
  
"I never had much luck flying with you. One time I was ejected over the Russian Taiga and another time we crashed and I was shot by a deranged hillbilly. I still have that scar by the way. I hope you aren't planning on making my daughter an orphan this time."  
  
"Well Mac it would be the third strike. Besides she wouldn't really be an orphan she'd still have Sturgis," Harm tried to lighten the tension by joking, but realized it was a badly chosen time and subject to joke about when Mac turned and looked at him with a look that could have killed. It was too late for her to do anything about it now, a few seconds later they were up in the air.  
  
They had dropped the explosives and they had hit the Stinger-missiles that they were intended for. One problem was out of their mind, but another was fast intruding on it. Harm had little control of the plane and there was no doubt that they were going to crash. The question was just where and with what result.  
  
To Be Continued  
  
Will Mac and Harm survive the crash? Does Gunny get Webb and Elena to the hospital in time? What will be the lasting effects of the events of this 'season'? You'll find out in the sequel Love and Troubles. (Don't expect it too soon though)  
  
Author's note: I want to thank everybody who supported me through reviews and feedback. It was greatly appreciated and it's nice to see when someone else is enjoying what you've written. I especially want to thank Cria, TZ and Dor all the help I got with beta-reading.  
  
This was my first fan fiction ever and I had so much fun writing it. Writing has become my new addiction. The encouragement of course made it even better. I would love to hear what you feel I could do better with my writing so the sequel becomes better than this one was. As long as the critic is constructive I don't mind it at all.  
  
Because of some of the comments I got I want to explain some of the reasons why I wrote this story. It was never meant as a scenario that I would have preferred over what happened on the show. It was simply meant to explore a different possibility to the real show.  
  
Apparently some people think that I don't like Mac (and Sturgis) because of what they're doing in this story. I love both characters and to be honest don't really feel that I wrote them as bad people. I don't know if people think so because they have different opinion than I have or because what I mean doesn't come across in my writing. It might also be because I actually know what's going to happen later on... 


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